The next morning I wake up finding an empty space beside me. I sit up pushing my hair out of my face and an instant flash of last night consumed my memory.
He stopped it, meaning he probably didn't want it and I looked like a fool trying to get it.
I stand up and go to the bathroom washing myself up. When I get out the shower I see Nathan by his desk.
"Morning Maddie." he smiles.
I don't know how to avoid this awkward feeling inside of me, but I push the thought away to prevent it from getting any worse.
"Morning." I say as I comb my hair pulling it into a slicked back pony tail.
"You slept good ya?"
"I suppose."
He gives me a stare and I avoid it.
"You alrigh?" He asks as he walks towards me.
"Ya I'm grand, what's the plan for today."
I quickly change the subject hoping he doesn't ask any further.
"Wanted to spend a chill day at home if you don't mind. Tomorrow I'm going to take you to the shops and all so today we can just relax."
"Sure no problem."
He looks at me again and I ignore it.
"Alrigh so how about you teach me how to play your PS3." I say.
"Ahh are you sure you're ready." he asks teasingly.
"Psh of course. How hard can it be?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
"What in the f*ck."
I sigh out of frustration and put the controller down as I hear him laugh.
"You see it isn't as easy as it looks. Takes mad skills and only pro ballers can handle it."
"Psh okay I still did great." I lie.
"You got killed 27 times."
I laugh and sigh.
"I'll just stick to the online game we both know, I don't have to worry about dying there."
"Good choice. Come here will ya."
He gestures me to sit on his lap and of course I'm hesitant to. He easily catches on.
"What you want to eat for lunch?" he asks as he walks into the kitchen.
"Um just a salad please, I'm not all that hungry." I say, hoping my stomach doesn't make its obnoxious noise.
"Sure."
After we eat our lunch it's a quarter past 2 and I sit to watch another movie as he works on a broken iPhone.
~~~~~~~~~
"Maddie wake up, you're not going to be able to sleep later." I hear a soft laugh.
I slowly open my eyes and look at Nate staring down at me.
"What time is it?" I whisper.
"Half six."
"Jeez oopsie I must have been mad tired." I say as I sit up.
"I can tell. Today you've been a bit off, you alrigh?" He asks.
"Um yeah just tired that's all."
I lay back down and he lays beside me, holding me by the waist.
"You're a shet liar." he chuckles.
"Says the one."
"Psh I'm a sly one. Now cmon tell me what's botherin you, I can't read your mind all the time."
"I'm alrigh it's nothin I promise."
"Still lyin missy."
"Not at all mister."
He sits up pulling me on him as well, and supports my back with his arms.
"Are you goin to tell me or do I have to force it out of you."
I can sense his tone switching into a deeper state, letting me know he's getting serious.
"I said it's nothin major."
"If it's been on your mind and has been the reason why you've acted differently since yesterday, it's major. So whether you tell me or not it's still going to be solved one way or another."
"Nate, what is it you see in me?"
"A future." He replies without hesitation.
"But a future with.. this?" I ask as I look down at myself.
"What do you mean with this. Of course with you Madison. Tell me what's bothering you. Your issues become mine and I intend on solving them."
"Nate you don't find me attractive in that way so how can you see a future with me involving more than a friendship. And I know we can't just be friends considering everything we've went through these past 2 years."
I hate feeling this needy and insecure, especially being around Nathan but I have to tell him this if he really wants a future with me.
"Wait, what?"
I look up at him and see him in a state of confusion.
"Madison believe me when I tell you I want you, probably more than you'd expect. You're fuckin gorgeous and I don't know where you got all that nonsense from."
"You're clearly lying to me. Then why'd you stop yesterday, if you wanted me as badly as you say you do?"
A flash of pain takes over his eyes, and seeing him this way was more painful than imaginable.
"Because I can see you're not doing it because you want to. You're trying to do it because you feel like you need to. And that's not how I want it to be done Madison. I want us both to be ready, and not just because one of us is."
I sit in silence trying not to cry in front of him. He really does know me inside and out. Probably more than I expected him to.
"I'm not in no rush for that alrigh Maddie, don't stress over that."
He hugs me tightly and gives me a kiss.
"I love you." He whispers.
"And I love you." I mange to say, without bursting into tears.
He's an amazing guy. And I'd be stupid to ever doubt him.
"Alrigh cheer up will ya, Manly men don't cry." he teases.
"That's not what you were sayin when I had you in that head lock." I laugh.
I loved him so much more than I realized I did. I seem to always make something little into a whole other situation and I really have to stop doing that. But flaws and all, he still loves me.
What more is there to ask for?
"Oook Maddie you really wanna go again?" He smirks.
"Bring it on."
YOU ARE READING
My Somewhat Forbidden Love
Romance"I'm not the dating type. I don't want you falling for me if I can't catch you." He said to me with sad glistening eyes. I ached for him. I needed him. I know he loves me but his past won't let him open this door. Only my heat of innocence can melt...
