My Somewhat Forbidden Love

18

I go to bed and I can't sleep. It's hard to sleep lately, got too much in mind.

How should I tell him? Should I go straight forward and say it, or should I crawl into it slightly? We have talked about age distance before using one of our friends as an example. She was young and also kept her age hidden. Now Nathan said some of the reactions I wanted to hear, like "if the two people love each other the same, then age shouldn't matter." But I can't help but feel he only said that because he wasn't in that situation himself .

The thing is, he is in a situation similar to that. He just doesn't know..Yet. I'll lean into the conversation slowly. But first let's get through the day of school. It's Saturday but Yasmin and I are going to help out with the auditions the school has every year for the incoming freshman. Talent galore ...

I head over to my Ma's room and see her cuddled up on what used to be my fathers side of the bed. I walk in tippy toeing and kiss her cheek softly while I pull the covers up since she looked cold. As I walk outside, I tell Yas I'll meet her by our lockers and I go into the subway station.

Once I get to my school I swipe in and see the guards.

"Goodmorning Jackson." I say with a smile and my usual tea in my hand.

"Morning Ms.Rosario, iced tea In this weather?!" He says chuckling.

"The usual, see you later have a great day."

I wave and go upstairs to my locker and take off my jacket while setting down my purse. I see Yasmin walking over with a comb in her hand untangling her hair. I laugh a little and put away my things.

"Hey sugar, Jesus my hair ain't working with me today."

"Let me help I'll do you a quick bun."

She passes me the comb and I brush her tangles out.

"Maddie your phone is buzzing." She says as she passes me the phone.

It's Nathan. I'm scared to tell him but I need to answer. Besides having one of my best friends here with me might be helpful.

"Hello?"

"Hey Maddie how's you?"

"I'm good ya in school helping with auditions."

I pull on Yasmin's hair a little and hear her hiss in pain. I whisper sorry and hear Nathan say something about school.

"Is Yasmin there?" He chuckles and I tell him she is.

"Wanna add her in too?"

"Ya sure"

I look at Yas with the warning stare and she catches my drift.

"Hey Nate, what's up"

"Nothing much."

By the time I finish Yasmin's hair, she and Nate are deep into conversation about randomness. I join in and soon enough we are all laughing our hearts out. I like the fact they get along. My best friend and my dream boyfriend, perfect isn't it.

The day starts coming to an end and auditions are finally over. Yas decides to go to Queens and see her boyfriend Jayson so I get on the train and listen to music. It's funny how lyrics can describe your situation perfectly. Already Home by A Great Big World is definitely a home run to the heart.

I get off the train two stops earlier due to delays. Although it's dark I'll walk the 10 minutes. I text Nathan and he asks if we can Skype again. And of course I gladly agree.

"Hey nugget head." I say.

"Why do you call me that??" He asks while laughing.

God I love his laugh. It's music to my ears.

"Because I can."

"And why is that."

"I'm Maddie."

"That's a perfect reason, very true." He says.

I can feel him smiling on the other end of the phone. Although it's just voice call, I picture his smile, and his smirk when he laughs. Then it hit me.

"Um Nate can I tell you something?"

"Ya Maddie what's up."

"Never mind it's silly."

Of course, backing out like a little b*tch Madison. Great job. Then he brings up the unspeakable.

"So you said you loved me."

I pause for a minute and breathe in.

"So did you."

"It sounded hard for you to say."

"No no I was just in shock, it was a breeze."

"Oh a breeze aye, let me hear it again ya"

"I.. I lo-"

"See it is hard for you." He says while laughing softly.

It isn't hard but it just won't seem to come out. I can't tell him right before I tell him my age. He'll crush me.

"I just got to my house, um I'll text you in a bit Imma get changed."

"Ya sure no problem."

I run upstairs and take a quick shower and when I get back it's around 5:30 pm. Hopefully he's still up, I have to tell him. I start typing and hopefully I don't regret this.

Nathan I don't want to keep on hiding this from you and I know it's not good but it's been picking on my mind for a long time now. I'm not actually 19 I'm 17. I'm sorry for lying to you but after what happened before I was scared it'll happen again. Everything else I've told you was real. The feelings, the school, the writing. The only thing that held me back was my age distance. I'm really sorry for lying and I wouldn't blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me again, but please, don't hate me..

*Message Sent* ....