My Somewhat Forbidden Love

19

Holy crap. No. I didn't send it. No no no no no. F*ck I see him typing.

"Maddie u messin or usin this as an example."

He's confused. Hell I would be too if I were in his position. I breathe in and reply.

"No I'm serious, I'm sorry I didn't tell u earlier but I was scared to lose u, but it's not fair to keep leadin u on if u don't know the truth. I'm sorry but I rather u know and if u choose to leave then at least I got it off my chest but I wasn't goin to keep lying."

He pauses before he starts to type. This was a mistake, I shouldn't have fallen this hard. He's going to crush me. That stupid nightmare is coming to it's breaking point. The scary part is that this is reality and I have to face it.

"U were scared to tell me u were 17?"

"I mean yea took me forever to get u and now I'm losing u. when u love someone so much and this stupid thing is holding me back from letting u in. Of course I'm scared to lose u when ur the only person that keeps my day going, but I rather lose u so u can find someone that deserves u instead of having a little 17 year old hold u back."

"Maddie I can see ur stressin too much i really don't mind if ur 17 like u said it's just 2 years away, now I know why u were arguin when we were talkin abt age a long time ago on Skype. But seriously I love u I mean ur 17 and I know what ur like and how u cast out ur feelings, that for me is real mature plus u read Shakespeare I mean that's phenomenal. Just so u know I ain't mad or even if u told me after we had a fight or somethin I still wouldn't give out to u."

"So u aren't upset? You're not leavin? It's not over?"

"Lmao 'it's not over' no definitely not."

"What the f*ck I'm over here crying, spent nights crying because I knew I had to tell u and I thought you'd leave and the days were countin down and I figured there would be better-"

"Maddie there's so much better out here but they're only for my eyes never my heart."

"I think I'm dreaming I swear"

"This is as real as it gets, I just don't get why u didn't tell me when we were talkin ova the phone."

"I was scared... I tried multiple times today but I just couldn't."

"We could still talk abt it I can call for a bit if u want."

"Ya sure."

*buzz buzz*

"Hello?" I say as I sit up on my bed.

"Ya Maddie like I said I still love you and I'm not leaving just because you're 2 years younger."

I honestly think this is a dream. But if it is... Don't wake me up.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you.. I just .. I was so scared.."

I could barely speak. My voice is getting very soft and low and my eyes are starting to water. I breathe in and try to finish.

"I was just so scared.. I.. I love you.. And I thought for sure I'd be left alone after you chose to leave.. I'm sor-"

I break down crying and I feel the warm tears fall down my cheeks. I wipe my cheek with my long sleeve and sniffle.

"Maddie.. Please don't cry. It's ok I'm still here alrii? Don't stress it."

"I'm sorry Nathan I just didn't want to get hurt again after what happened with the website that was made of me."

"It's alright Maddie I'm still here ok? Don't stress it ya. I have to go but just know I'm not leavin you. I love you loads, must feel good to get it off your chest. Sleep well, text me when you're free tomorrow."

"Okay, sleep well and thank you Nate, I'll text you tomorrow, I love you."

We hang up and I breathe in a heavy sigh of relief. He loves me, and he wasn't mad. He honestly accepts me 100%. This is all of me and I gave it to him. My every flaw, mistake, imperfection, was now his. He has my heart. And I feel absolutely lucky to have met a man like him. This was the first step to something that might actually be more than nothing.

I get up and walk to my mirror. I look at my red rosy cheeks and wipe the tear stains away gently. I look at my wide brown eyes staring back at me and close them slowly. I breathe in and another tear streams down.

This isn't a tear of sadness. This tear was the source of water of the seed that has now been implanted to my heart. And soon enough, it'll blossom into a beautiful force of nature.

I wash my face and go to bed hugging on the pillow tightly. I leave the right side of my bed empty as if Nathan were here beside me, and for once in a couple of weeks, I finally sleep with peace.