Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Five

The next few weeks went smoothly. I had settled into my role really well and had felt real passion within my job. I had gotten close to lots of the team members, and found my place within Daniel's team. We spent lots of time together building on Daniel's public image, not that it needed it, and watching his talents expand. I'd stayed super close to Lauren and built a real trio of friendship with Jamie. I had also built a relationship with Michael, Daniel's personal trainer and close friend and Blake, his manager. Spending lots of time with them both professionally at work and hanging out.

We'd completed our pre-season testing and Daniel had been ecstatic about how the car felt on the track and the reaction from the team was amazing. Although Mercedes looked fast and had made some serious improvements and Ferrari had come out all guns blazing, all eyes were on Daniel and his grand return.

We'd been in Bahrain for just over a week and all hands were on deck getting ready for the first race weekend of the season. I'd pretty much taken on the whole role for Daniels media.  Charlotte had been impressed with all that I had achieved since Christmas and everything I had managed to take on and learn, so she kind of took the training wheels off for preseason testing. See if I could handle myself.

I'd achieved everything Charlotte had set for me to do and Daniel was really happy with the way everything had been handled. She had sat me down to share how happy she and Daniel were with my work and how I had exceeded everyone's expectations of how fast I got the various parts of my role. She wanted me to take the reins and step right in, she assured me that she was still there ready for any support I needed or guidance.

And there it was. Everything I wanted to be able to start again. A real step onto the career ladder. So why wasn't I out of this world happy. Why couldn't I jump for joy. When I had spoken to Charlotte I had said all the right things, pulled all the right faces, accepting all the new roles. While inside that small darkness started to cloud my vision. That dark voice, his voice. 'You don't deserve this because you will fuck it all up. How do you expect to cope without me there to hold you up, cover all your mistakes'

So now I was sitting on the bathroom floor, sobbing, vomiting and reaching to old toxic coping strategies. So much for the whole new life thing. Right there I was dragged back, reminded of how weak I was and I had no idea how I was going to cope