Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Seventy-Three

Reedit - 28/12/2022
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"Are we going to talk about what just happened" Daniel had held back for a moment before he headed out to the media pen.

"Don't worry about it" I said sharply.

"Im worried about you"

"Don't be, I'm used to him" I ushered him to the pen but he stood his ground.

"He doesn't like me?"

"He liked Mark. That's his problem if you really want to know Daniel. He was disappointed in me for leaving him the way I did. He thinks Mark was the perfect boyfriend and that I let him down." My eyes burnt with tears fighting to break the surface

"I'm sorry" he held his hand out and I took his fingers in mine. "We'll talk probably after ok". I nodded as he walked to the sky sports presenter, he kept his eyes on me, I felt guilty that I was distracting him.

-

I survived the rest of the day without seeing my family. I wasn't sure if they'd actually left or not and I didn't have the capacity to care. Daniel looked amazing out on track. There were a few fighting for this win, it was Lando, Lewis and George's home track so they were putting up everything they had. But Daniel seemed to be doing everything right.

We headed back to my apartment after the guys finished with Michael and he cooked for us, another pasta dish. Daniel was adamant I should eat something but I just couldn't. I was worked up by my Papa. I'd gone and put some running gear on and grabbed my earphones.

"Absolutely not" Daniel was sharp as i reentered the room.

"I won't be long"

"I'm coming then"

"I want to go alone"

"No Libby"

We stood glaring at each other, you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

"I'll go?" Michael added almost asking. "You can't Dan but I can" He looked at me "you do your own thing and I'll follow behind."

"Or you don't go!" Daniel added and Michael punched his shoulder.

"She's not your possession dickhead" Michael replied to Daniels words.

"Fine" I added and waited for Michael to grab some of Daniel workout clothes he'd brought.

"We can just talk, don't run away" Daniels voice was softer now.

"It's this or I light a match, your choice." I added looking him in the eyes. It was sharp but I couldn't help it, my body was full of emotions that I couldn't control or deal with.

"Libby"

"Ready," I said to Michael as he reentered the room. He nodded in reply.

"Look after her!" Daniel added as we walked out the front door.

"You do your thing and I'll follow" Michael said and pushed in his own earphones.

I walked down the stairs and started to run as my feet hit the ground floor. I ran and ran. I hadn't done it in so long I forgot how good it felt. My legs screeched out every time I pushed them harder, I pushed them till I thought they'd break. My lungs were drowning, desperately trying to grasp any oxygen I could get in. I didn't even know how long we'd been running, I was dripping in sweat, gasping for breath and I loved it. My head was empty of darkness, the thoughts stopped for just a moment and I lived for it.

I felt a tug on my arm and turned to see Michael. 'Shit' I'd forgotten he'd even been following me. "You've ...  got to ... stop" he was gasping for breath as much as me. I saw on his phone he was on the phone to Daniel.

"I'm not ... done" I answered gasping just as much.

"You're ...hurting yourself ...stop" there was a look between us. Like all the pieces slipped into place. "That's the ... point?" He asked and I dropped my gaze at his words. He answered his own question as he wrapped his sweaty body around mine and the tears started to flow. Someone else knows my dirty little secret.

Daniel came and picked us up and brought us back to the apartment. I was exhausted, we'd run for over an hour at full throttle. Daniel carried me to the house and helped me wash in the shower. We lay in bed together and he wrapped his body round mine. I felt so much love for him. "I hate that your in so much pain" he whispered into my ear, he nestled his face into my neck planting soft kisses again my skin.

"You make it better" I whispered back as we slipped back into the darkness of sleep.

-

I woke in a better place than the day before. I knew that we'd got to meet up with my parents again today but I felt more prepared. It was another early start so we headed out at 9:30am. Things were slightly awkward, I felt like I'd let Michael in too close, it was like he knew me better than I wanted him to. I was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, it felt like I wanted to rip my own flesh off. Michael drove us to the circuit and Daniel sat in the back with me.

I knew he was worried and didn't want to let me go, his love language was touch and always had been. I didn't really have a love language before, but I loved his touch. Even to feel his legs against mine a sense of calm would come over me.

We arrived at the paddock and headed straight into meetings and briefings. Daniel and Michael managed to sneak off for breakfast while I got the media stuff ready with Isla. She didn't seem herself this weekend but brushed it off whenever I brought it up so I left it, I knew what it was like to feel forced to share things and I didn't want to do that for her.

"Are your parents here today?" She asked while we waited for Max and Daniel. I nodded back, this was something I didn't want to talk about, I'd had a text to say my Papa was here and wanted to talk. The last thing I wanted. When the guys arrived Isla took control of the video and started recording. I felt a light tap on the shoulder and I turned to see my Papa. 'Fucking hell'

I got up and grabbed his arm to pull him with me. "Can we talk darling"

"Not here" I replied and headed toward the motor home. People smiled and waved, we almost got through the door until I heard Lando's voice. "Sneaking another guy in lib, Daniel wont be pleased" he laughed as he passed. I didn't even have time to reply, I continued to guide papa to my office.

"We don't have long what do you want"

"Guarda il tuo tono"

"What do you want papa" I said sadly, I knew it was an argument waiting to happen

"To apologise" I raised my eyebrows in shock, he never apologised. "Your mother tells me you love his boy. That you love him in ways only she could see."

"I do"

"She told me there was no love like that in your life with mark" my eyes bolted to his at those words. Did she know more than I realised.

"I've found happiness with Daniel. I know you want us to be open but we are trying to find a way"

"It doesn't matter what I want. I realise I'm hard on you. Harder on you than the boys but I always felt like I had to protect you, I think Daniel is taking over that role now. And doing a better job"

"Papa, you always look out for me, no one else can do it like you do. But... Daniel is pretty close to perfection"

"Then he is welcome to our family. Your still coming to eat tonight?"

"Yes Papa"

"And he'll come to our house after the race."

"We've got to stay by the factory for a few days but we'll come down on Saturday morning"

"ITi amo più di quanto tu sappia Elizabeth "

"Ti amo papà" he pulled me into an embrace and a tear left my eye, this was perfect.

Qualifying went perfectly until the very last moment when Max snatched pole from under Daniels feet. I was gutted for him but he came out all smiles and hugging Max. One thing this made certain, tomorrow's race would be interesting.