Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Forty-Two

Warning: contains content relating to SH

🎵 Not about angels – Birdy 🎵

I had pretty rough night sleep and gave up at around 2am and got out of bed to try and get out of my head. I desperately wanted to go for a run or a swim up I knew my body wasn't up for it. I had to find another way, I had to use the old toolbox. I looked around the kitchen for a while , opening draws, looking through cupboards quietly. I needed to find a lighter, a match, something.

I found it, a old match box in the back of the drawer. I stood the the kitchen in a T-shirt and underwear. I got a small teaspoon out the drawer. I looked over at the door to our bedroom, I was breathing pretty heavy know. The panic was becoming unbearable. He needed to sleep, I could handle this on my own. I was seconds from pressing that heated metal spoon, millimetres from my flesh, from feeling that pure relief. Our door opened and there he stood.

I dropped the spoon and blew the match as quickly as I could. Not quick enough. I turned away from his face, tears had begun to fall down my cheeks. His arms engulfed my body, tight. We stood for a while not talking, then took my hand and guided me back to bed. No words. We cuddled into each other in silence. I didn't have the words and neither did he.

I slept the rest of the night without disruption, I woke to gentle kisses he was placing on my face. I smiled. "My favourite alarm clock"

We spent most of the morning answering emails and Daniel did some prep for the race weekend with Michael. I'd told them they were fine to work out here and they'd agreed. We headed down to the track at about 11:30am.

I was just as on edge as yesterday, only today Daniel would be in the car not by my side. I'd assured me I'd be fine; I could wait in his drivers room and he'd only be gone for an hour and then another hour later I'd be fine. I didn't feel fine.

I started the day following Daniel through some meetings and just working in the corner. The day was going pretty smoothly, I'd even managed to head over to my office for a while before FP1 and done some prep work for the next day.

I wanted to get back down before Daniel started so I could make sure to see him and tell him to drive safe. And he could see me and then wouldn't worry. I text him to say I was on my way and headed down.

Miss Libby 👼
On my way across, ILY ❤️

I left the motorhome and tried to walk straight across to the garage. It was probably no one than 2 minutes before the cars pulled out the garages. There were suddenly a lot of people. A crowd had seem to form and I was wrapped up in the middle of it. What I didn't know at the time was a group of lads had jumped the paddock turn styles and made a run for it. They had half the security on their backs. Just my luck.. it was the red bull garage they were after.

A lot of things then happened very quickly and all at the same time. The staff from red bull heard the call and headed to help sort the situation, while anyone who wasn't staff needed in the garage where being ushered out. People had started pushing and shouting as the lads were being detained. Passers by had been interested and joined the crowd. Shear panic was raging through my body. Suddenly I was grabbed by my left arm and pulled backwards, the pain shot through my damaged shoulder, and I stumbled backwards. I was then held across the body by one of the accused lads. I was pulled and pushed between people and had my lanyard pulled and ripped from my neck. When security grappled the lad, I was pushed to the floor, landing directly on my left shoulder.

I was inconsolable, I had been touched my so many hands, pushed against my back against my arms. The pain in my shoulder was worse than I could describe. I was still on the floor surrounded by people, being stumbled over and stepped on. I couldn't breathe, the panic was raging through me.

In that moments all I wanted was for everything to stop, for me to simply no longer exist. I curled myself on the floor and started crying. My breathing got quicker and quicker and don't fight anymore.

Slowly the crowd around me dispersed and I was left, huddled on the floor, no one really knowing what to do. A couple people tried to help me, and I squirmed at their touch. I couldn't do it anymore, my brain simply shut down.

Until I heard his voice and felt his touch. He scooped me off the floor and carried me sobbing. It wasn't long until I passed out in his arms.