Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Ninety-Three

🎵 Turning page - Sydney Rose 🎵

We spent the next few days together,  Daniel had booked us in the hotel we had just been in for another couple of weeks. He had a suite but asked to change to a room with two double beds. He didn't assume we would sleep in same bed.

I basically lived in the room the whole time, I'd not wanted to tell anyone about the pregnancy so Daniel had made sure we didn't have any visitors. I'd had to lie to Charlotte yet again and said I'd had a flare up of some of the medical problems I'd been having and needed to have some more rest. I knew now that there was a good chance I wouldn't be keeping my job next year. I'd had too much time off, been too much of a pain. But she was kind and wished me a speedy recovery and said to change the flights to whenever I thought best. I accepted that my future was completely unknown and had to accept the anxiety that came with that.

We'd been there about a week when Daniel asked if we could talk. We'd spent the time being casual with each other, he was always on his guard to say the right words or support me whenever he could. It was late and we'd just washed up for the night. Michael had still been working out with Daniel and they went out and did things but he never left me for long and kept coming up to check on me. Michael supposedly didn't know I was there but Daniel was a terrible secret keeper so I imagined he had some idea.

I'd just finished brushing my teeth after what was probably the hundredth time of throwing up today and walked back into the bedroom. The first few nights and days I'd been in a separate bed but with Daniel so close I couldn't resist getting in with him in the middle of the night, especially after a nightmare. Now I just didn't even bother with my bed and got straight in with him. I loved to see him smile at me climbing in with him.

"I want to talk and get it all out then we can talk about it" he blurted out as I sat on the right side of the bed, leaving space between us. I knew in that moment that what happened next would burst the bubble we had been living in but it needed to be done.

"Ok" I replied.

"Christian called me when we arrived in Australia, when I said there was a problem with my clothing line" he was quiet. "I had made a decision back in Canada that effected you and I didn't ask or tell you about it. I broke our rule, and it was coming back to hurt me. There had been an audit of the accounts and they flagged a issue with your wage. I did something I thought was right and good but it ended up putting your career on the line. I was trying to desperately sort it when it all got fucked up. But I couldn't face telling you I'd let you down again. I forced myself to ignore you because I knew once I told you something between us would shift. All I wanted was to keep you in my arms, keep you from pushing me away, before you even got the chance to." He stopped for a moment and drew breath.

"What did you do" I was so frightened at what would come next. What the reason for this destruction of our whole lives was and more importantly if I could ever forgive it.

"You didn't get a promotion in Canada. I started to pay you for the additional work you were doing. I knew you wouldn't take it from me so I got Christian to put it through company books as an additional expense and just change your job title so you wouldn't be suspicious." He took a deep breath and I closed my eyes, "when the auditors looked at the books they flagged it as a problem. He called me when we landed in Perth to tell me about it, that's why my mood changed. Christian had managed to clear it but he then made it clear to me that our relationship had to remain above board and professional now more than ever. We couldn't be seen socially together, everything had to be work related and appropriate. If it didn't you could loose your job or have to move teams. So I panicked. I'd just told you I would sort everything and tell the world about you and now I needed to pull us back into secrecy. I knew how much that was going to hurt you and I thought you'd leave me. I didn't want to face it so I left you alone in Perth and I drunk away my worries and I will regret that for the rest of my life. My parents were going on at me about how shit a partner I was being and how disappointed they were with me not looking after you properly. I started to argue with them and Michael. He hated seeing you ill and he was pissed at me for not being a better boyfriend. I felt guilty and angry so I just carried on drinking, we both now a drunk angry Daniel isn't my best personality." He closed his eyes and tears fell from his eyes. "I regret the weeks I lost with you because of my fucking stupidity so much.." He stopped again and I felt his breath was raspy. "But I know that what I should have done was except my mistake and took responsibility. When you said you were pregnant it all just got too much for me, how was I going to hide a baby from Christian, how was I going to tell you that we still needed to hide our relationship from the media. I am going to tell Christian about us, whatever we are now and make sure you keep your job. Even if that means I loose mine. I promise you that."