Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Twenty-Nine

I walked out of the motor home at speed, I needed to get back to the hotel room. I could hear him following me, calling my name. I couldn't turn back, my eyes had been filling with tears, burning. My breath was catching quicker than I could calm myself. I pulled at the area of my jacket where I knew the fresh burns lay. I pulled at the skin; it was agonising. I zoned into the pain, took deep breaths.

Suddenly I felt a pull against my shoulder but I wasn't prepared for it. I stumbled and lost my footing, he grabbed onto my left wrist, it was innocent, he didn't know, but it was right where the fresh burn lay. I felt the bubble of skin that had formed rip and tear away from my flesh. It was excruciating, I yelled out in pain, loud. I didn't mean to; I didn't want any attention on me or him but my body had taken over. The friction between his hand and my wrist pulled my jacket sleeve up. My skin had started to bleed where the trauma of the tussle had pushed my flesh too far. He looked down at the blood soiled bandage and released his grip.

I'd found my footing now, I didn't need him to hold me up.

"Your arm," Daniel gasped, looking at me with such pain in his eyes. He knew without asking. "You didn't call? Lib you prom..."

I pulled the sleeve back over my arm and turned away from him. "Don't you fucking dare." I growled quietly. The anger inside of me was so much stronger than I had ever experienced in my life. I caught site of people looking, watching our interaction. The air was sucked out my lungs.

Before I could even take in what was happening, I felt someone wrap their arms round me tight. "Alright love birds, enough of the lovers tiff, you're in public now" Max joked, laughing while I squirmed under his grip.

"Fuck you Max!" I exclaimed, tearing his arms off my body. I made my way past all the prying eyes. I heard my name being called here and there. I was panicking now. I had to get out of there before I lost it completely, tears pouring from under my glasses I pulled my cap lower over my face.

I'd broke into a sprint once I had got out the paddock turn styles, thanks to all the working out I had been doing I knew I could make it back to the hotel if I just kept my head down.

So, I did, I ran till my chest burned with pain, my muscles screamed under the pressure I was putting them under. When I finally got back to my room I was gasping for breath. My Phone had been ringing and buzzing non-stop.

I didn't know what to do, there was no one to call, no one to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. That they would be with me. Although I rang and spoke to my mom almost every day, I hadn't shared this with her, I hadn't shared it with anyone really. Lauren was busy at work and now with her hearing what Daniel and Max had said about me. I was embarrassed about what it looked like.... well exactly what it was. A stupid single girl falling head over heels for Daniel Ricciardo.

Laur💖
3missed calls

Danny🏎️
6missed calls

Michael 💪🏼
4missed calls

Danny🏎️
What's wrong, where did you go

Danny🏎️
Can we talk

Danny🏎️
Please I need to talk to you.

Danny🏎️
Are you okay

Danny🏎️
Talk to me

Laur💖
Someone said you've left
Laur💖
I'm here when your ready to talk. I love you

-

I spent the rest of the day in bed wallowing in self-pity, crying until the tears seemed to just run out. It had just been free practise today but Daniel was making some stupid mistakes, not focused I could only imagine. I knew he'd got a line-up of media to do throughout the day but I couldn't find any evidence he'd done any of it.

I'd had more missed calls from him when the racing day had ended. I'd had calls from Michael, Jamie, Lauren and even Max had called a couple times. I didn't answer anyone, I had decided to turn my phone off when the missed calls hit the double digits. My skin was sore from the pain I had inflicted on it today. I couldn't see how this was going to conclude, how this wasn't an end to something.

I'd text Charlotte in the evening to say I was still unwell and needed at least another day to try and get some energy back. She'd said it was, that I was owed time from all the extra hours I'd put in and just take as much time as I needed.

This was not all in all a lie, I'd cried myself into exhaustion. Daniel had knocked on my door continuously throughout the evening and night. He'd tried to talk to me through the adjoining door, pleading for me to open the door and talk to him. I'd sobbed into my pillow at the sound of his voice. It was like he was breaking me all over again. I'd tried to sleep but the nightmares had come back thick and fast. I felt so trapped, I couldn't go and swim incase he followed me. He knew what my routine was, so I went running instead. I ran and ran all through the night. I  ran the streets for hours until my legs couldn't hold me up anymore.

Then I carried on crying all day Saturday. It was pathetic, that a man had me in this position again. Falling down at his every move, he had my heart in his hands, just like Mark did ,just like all men did.

It made me see something; it made me see that those dark voices where right. They always had been. I was worthless, I was nothing more than a toy for men to play with and dump when they found something new and shinier. And if that's what I was, then that's what I'd be.

Daniel had had a terrible Quali only placing P16 not even getting into Q2. It was horrendous. I watched some of his interviews and they were just as bad. He got angry at the questions, short with the interviewers.

I just needed some sleep. I prayed for some relief.