Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Eighty-Seven

🎵 Remember – Acoustic – Becky Hill 🎵

I got my head down the second I entered the room. I just slept in my travel clothes and set an alarm for 10:30am. A mere 3 and a half hours of sleep, but I could do it, I'd survived on less. I just hadn't been growing a human then.

I was up washed and dressed for 11:45 and made my way down to the hotel restaurant where Charlotte had said we were meeting. They wanted it to be chilled out as to not make it seem to be exactly what it was, an intervention. And I was the only one who knew what it was really all about.

As I entered I heard my name called. Jesus Christ! This was serious. Christian, Helmet, Charlotte and Max all sat looking at me as I walked over. I was praying my outfit would not show any signs of my little bump. I had lost so much weight that it wasn't going to be easy to disguise it. "Wow, your looking very... skinny," Max said as I approached the table. Not a great start.

"Max!" Charlotte interrupted, she of course thought I'd been off for medical testing and clearly didn't want to subject to be brought up right now. "Your well?" She whispered quietly as I said hellos to the others.

"Yes all sorted and healthy. Ready to get back out there." I smiled back.

"We've missed you," Max continued, "Daniels been missing his lucky charm I think!" I grinned back.

"He's right," Christian said, "he never drives the same when you aren't around and the way he's been with the media. I need to you work your charm on him... starting today." He grinned at me. Bloody hell, they seemed to think me being here will work magic when in fact I'm part of the fucking problem. I lazily laid my hand on my tiny bump as if to protect it from whatever came next, but quickly pulled it away when I caught Max's eyes. I just smiled at him with all the strength I could give.

"Hi," Christian called out from the other end of the table. "Come and take a seat". Here it was, the moment I'd dreaded from the second I got on that plane in Perth. I pushed all my emotions down, I tried to block any thoughts and looked over to him. Our eyes locked and that was it. I was so drawn into those brown eyes. They were like a drug, I couldn't resist their presence.

"Sorry I need to just," I was flustered. I got up from the table and looked for the bathroom. I heard my name called as i launched myself into the bathroom. I was gasping for breath, I couldn't do this, it was too painful. I pulled at the fresh wounds on my thighs, the pain was grounding. The walls were closing in on me and the air seemed too thick to breathe. I reached for the toilet bowl and vomited anything left from the flight was gone and bile poured from my mouth.

Deep breath. You can do this.

I splashed some water on my face and touched up my appearance. Deep breath.

Inhale

Exhale

You can do this, I held my hands over my bump to remind myself why I had to cope. Why I was doing this. I slapped a smile on and re-entered the restaurant. I walked straight to my seat and avoided the looks. "Sorry about that,"

"All good?" Charlotte looked at me confused and concerned.

"Yes sorry, had to run to the ladies. All fine now." Daniel reached across to my hand placing his over mine. I pulled away instantly and placed my hands under the table. They placed their orders and I froze. I was literally living off plain toast at the moment. Shit I couldn't order nothing. "It's ok", I gestured the waiter "I'll just have a drink, I'm still not fully recovered from the flight."

That appeased all except one. The ones who's eyes were burning into my soul. He hadn't looked away from me since the second I sat down.

Christian talked for a while to the group about how we needed to buckle down to get back together. He then aimed the conversation to Daniel. They were being kind, desperate to help him.

He concluded that it was just a rough patch that and he was working on it. But he didn't need or want any  intervention , stating he was coping fine on his own. This was heavily discussed, and the outcome just made everyone angry. I spent most of the conversation quietly taking it all in, it was clear to everyone how much  Daniel was struggling. They just didn't understand why, and I did.

The conversation and meal concluded after not clearing much of the air. Christian  had pulled me into the conversation toward the end saying how glad he was that I was back and I could support Daniel through this rough time. Little did he know I was the rough time.

We all got up and headed to the door when I felt that familiar grasp of my wrist. Not now... it wasn't the time or the place for me to lose control.  I turned surprisingly to see Michael.  "He just wants to talk to you, can you just give him that please."  I pulled my arm away  and made for the exit.

I'd spent most of the afternoon Sleeping or laying around in bed. I looked at the timetable and schedule for tomorrow and was grateful to see that Isla was pretty much handling the whole morning. She'd got videos and challenges lined up and the afternoon was taken up with the guys in press conferences. I'd be fine.

I'd got used to going to bed on my own now. The novelty of lying with Daniel had been over for a while and I just accepted that nightmares would come. I no longer had his arms round me to hold my broken parts together. I had to learn to do that on my own now. He didn't get to be my saviour anymore.