Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Seven

The first weekend went well, I pulled myself together and held up a solid wall at work keeping every emotion in check. I wasn't so strong at night when I was alone in my room. I'd started to rely on pain to manage my lack of control, but I had to be careful, I couldn't let anyone see. This wasn't anything new, I had used pain as a coping strategy for years,  not healthy but known ground. I'd also started having pretty intense panic attacks and nightmares meaning that spend most of my time fighting to sleep or swimming.

I loved the feeling of ice cold water on my skin. Luckily lots of hotels have pools that you can access 24/7, as long as you ask the right people. Back at home I had found a 24/7 leisure centre that I could go to and swim at all hours. Mostly night. I'd spent most nights of the week before the race weekend in the pool. A few hours when everyone was sleeping was my lifeline. But I was tired, beyond any tiredness I had ever experienced. I was managing. Like a swan on water, calm and collected on top, a literal disaster zone below.

Instead of fighting the panic, begging my body to fall to sleep I would swim. Sometimes for hours. I'd had some wireless earphones given to me when I started to work out a couple of years ago. I had hated everything about exercise for as long as I could remember, when something changed, I found beauty in the pain of the last push, that last 100m, the last lap. These earphones where like a second hand to my success, I could swim, run in the rain, be in the loudest environment and it would zone me in. I could feel the music in my body. Everything would become one once I started the music.

After the weekend in Bahrain everyone made their way to their next destination. A few headed back to Milton Keynes or to Baku to gather and prepare for the next weekend.  There was a weeks break between the two races so Daniel and his close team headed back to Monaco while Lauren and Jamie headed with the team straight away. Both were vital within their roles to help set up. I however was in a kind of limbo. Charlotte had left it up to me, I had some free days as I was allocated more days off than most other staff, she said I could fly to see my family, fly home, go ahead to Baku or they were happy for me to stay in Bahrain.

Can you imagine, this job was literally a dream. I could basically just have a few days holiday, in a luxury hotel room FOR FREE. I decided to fly ahead to Baku, Mark had started with his texts and messages again so being home wasn't really on the cards.

I hadn't really spoken to Daniel since his last interviews after the race. He was pretty bummed about his race, P6, it wasn't bad but it wasn't perfect. It wasn't what he wanted from the weekend. His fire was right there burning but the others were strong, their cars were fast.

Danny🏎️
Hey, headed out first thing this morning  sorry I missed you ;) Just wanted to say great job this weekend!!
Have a nice time at home this week and I'll see you in Baku!!

Miss Libby 👼
Thanks Dan! Lots to learn but enjoying every minute. See you in Baku :)

Butterflies filled my stomach and swirled. I was so happy to have this life. I made my way to the airport filled with anticipation for the next race, the next time I could see him.