Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Thirteen

I'd known it was going to be hard adjusting, I just hadn't been quite prepared for the toll it was going to take on my body. Mentally I actually still felt quite strong, it was my body that was failing me. If I could just get some sleep without the nightmares waking me and pulling me back into that dark place.

It was painful, having so much of what felt like a perfect life ruined by the darkness that lived in me. I'd got better at controlling it when I stopped trying to push it away and started to accept it as part of me. But that wasn't enough right now. I'd been neglecting my therapy sessions, wasn't taking care of myself like I should've. My self care had taken a hit when we started getting busy. I wasn't eating and drinking like I should be. Skipping meals, going hours without drinking and sleeping had been obviously awful.

So that was it. I just needed to get back into a routine. Book in a session, get my head screwed back on and everything would settle again. Deep breaths.

I calmed down slightly once I got back into my room. I'd not even bothered getting back into bed. I'd changed into my swimsuit and grabbed my robe, goggles, earphones and headed back up to the pool.

The cold water was bliss against my skin. The rhythm of each stroke. I was fast now, I had built strength and endurance so that each pull torpedoed me through the water. I loved the feeling, I loved speed, pushing myself to go as fast as my body could. My muscles burning with the effort I was forcing them to endure. I was pushing myself, harder and harder. I was reaching over my limit, pushing harder than my body could cope with. I gasped between each stroke, my lungs burning with the lack of oxygen I was allowing myself.

As I pushed away from the wall for what was probably my 50th lap of the pool, my way was blocked. I near enough collided with the solid object in my front of me.

"Shit..." I shouted as my body gasped for air. My head spun as I adjusted to the dark figure in front of me. Daniel. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?" He asked

"What do you... mean? I'm... swimming." I answered gasping for breath between each sentence

"Swimming? Is that what your calling this act of violence against your body"

"What are you... talking... about?" I was desperately trying to catch my breath. "Why... are you here?"

"I needed to check on you. You think I could just go to sleep after I saw you like that... so scared and...." He paused. Our body's were so close.

"I'm fi..."

"Don't even," he interrupted. "This right now and what I saw in your eyes earlier is not what a person looks like, when they are fine!" he concluded with air quotes.

Well what was I supposed to reply to that.

"You shouldn't be here. You should be resting for qualifying," I said dropping my gaze.

He lifted my face, his hands resting on my cheeks. Our eyes locked.

"You still don't get it do you Miss Libby. I want to be here with you." My eyes fill at his words. "I see something in you, I feel something in me when I'm with you. Something from the first time I saw you. Your beauty, the way you make people work to be close to you. Only let those you trust see your truth. How you smile, how you throw yourself into everything you do." He paused, I sucked in my bottom lip biting down on the edge. "I just want you to let me in" he finished.