Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Ninety

Daniels POV

🎵 TV – Speed up + Reverb – Shy like 🎵

When I found out in Canada that Libby had been working for all that time with extra hours and dedication, all to not be even able to afford tickets for her family to come to the Grand Prix it dawned on me that she was living my lifestyle without the cash. I was asking her to come out and about with me, dress nice for events. Fly out to me or home or anywhere I asked. God was she worried how much it was going to cost her? Was she worried about paying the bills? I felt awful.

I felt that I had to do something. I knew she wouldn't take money direct from me so I kind of looped in Horner. I told him how much she meant to me, not how far our relationship had gone but I made it clear she was important to me. I broke the promise of talking things through with her. Christian sorted it so she thought she was getting a promotion. She in fact was just given a new title and I was paying the extra wage through the company name, so she didn't know.

That was all working fine, she was happy her work was rewarded. She felt safe enough to restart using her social media and snapped some stories with me. We met each others parents, I got to share my love for her. I promised her I would announce our relationship to the media so we could stop hiding at races. I saw the pain of us hiding and promised her I would fix it.

Then Christian called just a few days into the summer break. He said that the auditors had been looking at the accounts and found a discrepancy in the payments for Libby's wage. Christian had fought to clear it without it being mentioned to Lib and made it clear I was paying her for the extra work she was doing directly for me. A similar way to paying her for a second job.

It had seemed to have cleared the issue but it was a bandaid on a gaping wound. Christian made it clear the relationship had to remain as legitimate and professional as ever. It couldn't be seen to be money for anything other than a second job or it could land us all in hot water.

I panicked, all the small lies had caught up to me. I'd just told Libby that I was ready to share her with the world. That she was my everything and now I'd got to tell her we needed to go back to complete secrecy. She hated hiding and felling so detached from me in the public eye. She was  holding onto my promise, if I couldn't do this for her she'd leave. I knew it. Horner said that if we couldn't keep it professional she'd be the one to loose her job or she'd have to move teams, not me. She loved her job and would hate me if she lost it.

When all this happened I shut her out, she was ill over the break so it wasn't too hard. I pulled away to deal with my own issues and left her to it. Left her to fight herself while I battled my demons. Again breaking our promise to talk together and work it out with each other. My parents got on my back about how poorly I was looking after her and they were right. I just didn't know how to tell her I'd messed up again. I was so deep in the lies I knew she'd leave me when she found out.

So I proceeded to drink, get drunk and leave her alone in the bedroom. Every time I looked at her my heart broke at the argument we were going to have.

Then god when she said she was pregnant... I was drunk and all the frustration of it all coming out. She looked scared of me, I said some unforgivable things that I didn't mean. I was just confused and taken aback.

By the time I went back up to beg for her forgiveness she'd gone without a trace. I was so panicked I didn't know what to do.

I'd called her hundreds of times left messages. Called around to see if anyone knew where she was. No luck.

I flew out to her apartment and knocked on her door for days at a time. I was desperate to see her when the season started back up but she didn't come. She had truly left me.

Now I had to do everything in my power to get her back, to share my life with her and our baby. Come hell or high water, I was going to get her back. Whether that meant I had to put my career on the line I didn't care.

She was my world and I just needed her to let me back in for a moment to show her.