Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Thirty-Eight

Warning: contains content relating to SA

🎵I want know what love is -Hannah's Yard🎵

It didn't take long to get to Daniels apartment from the airport, we didn't talk much. I had continued to quietly sob into his jumper that I had on and didn't look at him. I knew he would be looking, trying to see how he could comfort me, but there just wasn't anything for him to do right now.

When we arrived he grabbed both our bags and we headed up the elevator to his floor. His apartment was insane, beautiful. As you walked in there was a beautiful open plan living, kitchen and dining area. The wooden tones through the apartment were gorgeous, his style was something to be admired even when I was feeling so shit. He had f1 trophies, helmets and photos of his achievements on the walls. As you walked in you looked out to a beautiful balcony with amazing fews.

"Do you want something to eat?" He asked, I hadn't had anything for few days and I was exhausted. I'd not slept now for what was about 48 hours.

"I just want to go to bed," I said.

"Ok," he replied and headed for the rooms  to the left of the apartment.  I followed behind with my arms wrapped around my body. It was hot here, but I just felt so exposed and cold. There were two bedrooms pretty much identical opposite each other with a bathroom between the two.

"Your in here, and I'm just across the hall if you need anything," he said. I wasn't sure how I felt about him saying that, he didn't presume we'd sleep in one bed, and I didn't know whether that made me feel safer or want to fall apart even more.

"Thanks," I replied quietly entering the room and climbing straight into bed. I curled myself into ball and pulled the sheets as high as they would go. I saw he was still watching me from the doorway.

I just lay there in silence until he moved away, pulled the door half way closed, then I sobbed. I cried and cried into the fresh white linen sheets. I stuffed the duvet over my mouth to muffle the sobs. I was so broken and I had no idea how I was going to put myself back together.

He left me alone for a couple hours then came back to check on me, I'd not slept, I'd literally cried the whole time. My body was exhausted, my eyeballs stung with the amount of tears I'd cried. My throat burnt because of my sobs.

"Can I get you anything?" Daniel asked walking slightly into the room.

"No thank you," I sobbed the words out, my voice horse.

"Lib, this is... do you want to talk to someone?"

"No."

"How much time have you asked for?"

"What do you mean?"

"Time from work"

"I'm not taking anytime from work."

"WHAT," he walked over now sitting beside me. I moved subconsciously, I didn't want to be touched. "Sorry," he said standing up and backing away.

"I've got a couple days to pull myself together."

"Libby you can't, you need to look after yourself for a minute. Are you going to see a doctor?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Daniel please just go." I had started to sob again, everything hurt. He looked at me with such sadness.

"I'm just out there if you need me." I saw him disappear from my eye line and pulled the door closed. I couldn't stop crying, I sobbed until the exhaustion overwhelmed me, forced me to close my eyes and let sleep take me.

I couldn't let him in yet, I didn't know how to. How he wasn't going to be repulsed by the things they had done to me, that I had let them do to me. I felt like a complete different person now, I was so broken, he deserved more than me.

'Their hands grabbed at my flesh. They were pushing themselves inside me, I couldn't stop them. They had hands everywhere, they held me tight. I couldn't breathe, my eyes where rolling back'

"NO PLEASE, YOUR HURTING ME"

"Help me please, Daniel please help me"

DANIEL PLEASE HELP ME".

I jerked away from the hands that touched my skin. I fell from the bed onto the hard wooden floor, cowering in the corner. I held my hands over my body. The pain was everywhere, all over my body.

"Libby", his Aussie accent was strong but his voice was gentle. "It's just me, your safe, I'm here"

I couldn't see him, I was sobbing again, I couldn't see. I was panicking, I didn't know what to do. "This is my hand that's going to touch your hand ok," he reached out and made gentle contact with my hands, I grabbed onto it like a life line. My heart could slow down, my breath could regulate because he was here. He could keep me safe.

"Can you help me up," my voice was quiet and timid. I felt his hands round my waist as he pulled me to a stand. I looked into his eyes, those deep brown eyes that I loved. "Please don't leave me," I sobbed out.

"Never again my love," he pulled me gently into his arms. I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. After a few minutes we both crawled into the bed. His hand never leaving my hand, he pulled me in close to him, he wrapped his arms round me as gentle as he could.

"I see them, whenever I close my eyes," I sobbed. "I can still feel their hands on me, inside me" he pulled me closer still, he planted a gentle kiss on the back of my neck. "I'm disgusting"

"Don't say that," he pleaded. "Your beautiful"

"I'm damaged goods."

"Don't lib, please don't say that. "

"Don't leave Danny." I started to cry again.

"I'm going nowhere. I'm here." He pulled me tighter into his body.

I held his hand tight to my chest. I didn't know what the next few days would look like but I was so relieved that he was going to be with me.