Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Thirty-Five

Warning: contains content relating to SA

🎵 To build a home – Patrick Watson🎵

We both stood looking at each other in silence for what felt like an eternity. Neither of us moved or attempted to break the silence. We were frozen in this moment.

I had no idea what to do next. How to explain what had just happened. The tears threatened to restart. No. I didn't want his pity. What would he think, 'it's no surprise you were asking for it all night'. Would he blame my revealing outfit, my drunken state. I didn't ask for it but I hadn't protected myself tonight. So the blame lay just as much at my door.

"Libby what happened." He gasped at the sight of me. "Oh shit is that a police jacket. Why do you have that."

I didn't want to answer, I didn't want to talk. I walked around him, I purposely avoided any form of contact.

"Libby talk to me. Please" he tried to stand in my, tried to block the way. I just looked at him, my face must have said more than enough. I couldn't face doing what ever this was right now. He stepped aside.

I opened my door and closed it behind me without a second glance back at him. I locked the door and slid the chain across. I needed to feel safe right now. I needed to be alone, to try and process what had just happened to me. The adrenaline was still flowing through my body, my mind was just spinning.

I walked to the bathroom mirror and only then realised why Daniels face had looked at me that way. I was a mess. And that was only the parts of me he could see, the adrenaline had started to wear off, the pain started spreading all over my body.

I needed to see the damage, I rushed to undo the jacket the officer had zipped up but shouted out in pain. I bit down on my lip quickly to muffle my cries. My shoulder. The pain was unreal, I was more hurt that I'd even realised, it had all happened so quickly. I bent forward grasping onto the bathroom counter, the pain took my breath away. The tears fell thick and fast. The pain was horrific.

Gently I unzipped the jacket with one hand, leaving my left arm dangling, recovering from the pain I had just endured. I let the jacket fall to the floor, I gasped. I was covered in marks, my neck was already a deep purple where they had strangled me, my shoulder almost black with the pressure they had used to hold me down, a deep purple bruise now covered it. I had blood on my breasts where they had dug their fingernails too deep, bite marks where their mouths had gripped down on my flesh.

I turned to look at as much of my back as I could, blooded and grazed from my resistance. Where I had tried desperately to wiggle out of their grips, the harsh pavement had torn through my flesh.

I looked down to my next step, I pulled the rest of my clothes off me, dropping them on the floor. Crap. I had blood dripping down my leg, did Daniel see that. I panicked for a second, had they done more damage than I thought. I washed my hands and used my fingers to glide over my folds, grazing over my entrance. Carefully checking myself till. "Ahhhh" I found it. Their haste to push their fingers inside had torn me at my opening.

I sobbed into my hands, everything hurt. I just stood for a while, tears poured down as I looked at the state of my body. My left shoulder was swelling and I had almost no movement in it. I prayed it wasn't too bad and it would go down by the morning.

I needed to wash their smell from my body. Scrub their hands from my skin. I got under the cool water running from the shower head. The second it made contact with my flesh I cried out in agony. I took it slow. Washing the dried and fresh blood from my skin. Feeling damage I was yet to see, grazes on my forearms, cuts on the backs of my thighs. The pavement had cut through my soft skin like tissue paper.

Once I finally felt I had cleaned their hands from me I stepped out the bathroom, I tried to wrap a robe round me but I couldn't get my arm in, the pain was unbearable. I settled for a pair of pants, with a sanitary towel to catch the blood flowing from my wound. It pained me to get into bed, the sheets felt like sandpaper against my skin.

I checked the time *4am*

I didn't bother trying to sleep, I saw their faces each time I closed my eyes. Luckily I had packed before going out tonight and I had to head out to get the flight to Monaco in less than 3 hours now. 

I lay there until 6am, I knew I needed to get up but I wasn't sure how I was going to actually get ready. I was even stiffer this morning than I was last night. I walked over to the mirror to look at the damage, it looked even worse than last night. My skin had crusted where the open wounds from the pavements had dried. The bite marks and cuts had big red marks around them, my body's reaction to the trauma.

I stood just sobbing looking at myself, the state I was in, how could I deserve this. What was this punishment for. I fell to my knees, I didn't know what to do, how to function through these next moments. Everything was hurting and I could still feel their hands on me. I could feel them push their hands inside me, this was something I was never going to be able forget. What if I could never move on from this.

Not only that but the way I acted last night, in front of all those people. I fucking kissed Carlos, I let all those men touch me in the club. I threw myself at people I just met, let my body grind against theirs. Maybe I deserved this, God Max was right. I did look like an easy shag. The words he had used to describe me, that I looked ready to take Daniel the first time I saw him. It was all true, I was just a horrible slut. I allowed those men to see me like that, it's no surprise they thought they could do this too me.

I changed as much as I could. Replaced my sanitary towel that was soaked in blood and pulled on some new underwear. I checked the damage one again with my fingers, it stung as I made contact with the damaged flesh. It was still bleeding and it was so painful, I couldn't breathe, tears burning down my face. I couldn't do this. The pain was unbearable and my body just wasn't cooperating. I couldn't get the angles right to put anything on.

I stood at the adjoining door between mine and Daniels room. I needed him to help me, no matter what he thought of me I hoped he would still help me. I felt like he was the only person I trusted to see me in this state. Deep breaths.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Stay calm, don't panic.

'Knock' 'knock'

Nothing. I knocked again, harder.

'KNOCK' 'KNOCK'

For a second I thought he wasn't going to answer. That he really didn't care, he wasn't going to come.