Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Ninety-Two

🎵 Helium (Sia vs David Guetta & Afrojack) – Sia 🎵

"I was terrified today," I replied to Daniel. "terrified that you'd caused me to loose the chance at loving this baby. If I'd have lost these babies I would have walked out your life and you'd have never seen me again"

There was just silence at my words, I was pulling at the skin on my thighs, using the pain to keep myself in control. Until I heard him sniff. I looked across to see the Daniel crying, he stood up and walked toward the door and disappeared. My heart sunk for a moment, I had to tell him that. He had to know how much he hurt me. But I didn't want to hurt him, I wasn't looking for tit for tat.

He came back in a little while later with something in his hands. He passed it over to me, a baby grow - it read 'Baby Ricciardo - Daddy's best friend'.

"I've wanted to give you this for weeks. I flew out a few hours after you left Perth, I could only get a flight to Manchester so I travelled down to your apartment and knocked on your door but you weren't there. I came back everyday for a while until I realised you weren't answering the door. I stayed in England and called you everyday hoping I could just hear your voice and know you were both safe. I made a mistake,"

"That's not a good enough excuse Daniel." I interrupted. "What you said- how do you expect me to ever forgive those words, you said some horrible things."

"I know but I don't mean that, I mean before Australia. The reason we ended up like this started before I found out you were pregnant"

"So are we ready to see those beautiful babies," Julie reentered the room and quickly realised she had interrupted a moment. "Or not yet?"

"No I want to see them," I replied, I turned from Daniel and forced a smile. "We've got time enough to talk after."He wiped his face of tears.

Julie did a scan and took some measurements and let us view the screen. I was overwhelmed with love in that moment. I couldn't believe that I hadn't done this already. In that moment I didn't care about anything other than those precious babies. And whatever Daniel had done, wether we ended up together or apart, these babies would be so loved.

Julie gave us a print out of the scan and I lay looking at it. Daniels face was right next to mine as he examined the photo.

There they were and here we were. I didn't want to talk anymore tonight. I lent over and kissed Daniels cheek, he smiled and looked across to me. Our faces nearly touching, he placed his hands on my cheeks. "I will always love you amore mio". He whispered . I closed my eyes and placed my forehead against his. I couldn't be around this man without feeling the love I had for him, even if it was the most painful love.

"I know," I smiled at him. I wasn't ready to say it back yet. I needed to know what happened in Australia. I needed more time.

-

I'd slept for the majority of the night but woken from a nightmare early hours of the morning. Daniel looked devastated, he knew they had stopped completely when we'd been together before the break and were now back because we had been apart. I cried and gasped for air but he was close by. He grounded me and told me it was all going to be okay.

I moved over on the bed and asked him to get up with me. I wanted him to hold me, the scared girl in me still wanted his arms round me to help fight my demons, no matter how much he had hurt me. He was gentle with me and it was me that pulled him close and lay on him. I could see he was uncomfortable with the boundaries he thought he needed to stay within. "Can you just be like before, just for a little while" I asked. He seemed to relax into me and we cuddled. It felt like nothing had changed, nothing had happened. And for right now I was happy to feel that way. Just as I was falling asleep I took his hand and placed it on my tiny bump.

Secretly I wanted him to want this now, that everything in Australia would be explained and we'd live happily ever after. But I wasn't sure life ever worked out that way.

-

I'd woken to Julie checking my stats, "do you want me to move" Daniel asked. She shook her head and smiled at us. You couldn't really tell where one of us ended and the other started. I was so content I just fell back asleep within a few minutes and I knew it was because of Daniel's presence. I finally felt some peace.

All my stats had levelled out, my bloods had come back within a normal range and my bleeding had stopped. Carlos had popped in early afternoon to check on me before the last practice session and promised not to tell anyone what happened. Daniel thanked him for taking care of me and sat back down on the bed with me.

"Daniel you need to get going don't you?

"Get going where ?"

"The race Dan!"

"I'm not racing Libby, you and the babies are my priority right now. Your going to need looking after for at least two weeks. Japan isn't for a couple of weeks so we'll be fine"

"Daniel you don't have to do this! I know you don't want this baby and you don't have to.."

"No stop please." He started to tear up again, "I want these babies more than I want to race in F1 because they are the product of our love. And even though that's a bit of a mess right now, it's the most amazing love I've ever experienced. I need you to know the things I said in Australia weren't what I felt about the pregnancy. They were anger at myself for letting you down again." He had tears now, I took my hand and wiped them from his face.. "I love you more than life itself and I love these babies. I would never of forgiven myself if you had lost them while you thought I didn't want you all. Because I do, I want you and my babies"

"Our babies," I smiled, "Daniel, I don't know if I could ever stop loving you. I just.... you hurt me more than I ever thought you would. I don't know how to trust you.

"Please just give me a chance to explain, I know you will never forget those words but please I didn't mean them. I know it's not enough but it's true. When you left-" his eyes started to tear again. "Please let me look after you"

"Ok" i replied and laid my head back on his chest.

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