Deep Breath | Daniel Ricciardo

Part Sixty

🎵 Heaven - Julia Michaels 🎵

"No I don't want to" I called out but it didn't matter. He wanted to and that's where his care for me left. I wasn't ready I wasn't in a position to have him but he pushed inside anyway. "Fuck that hurts Mark" he slapped me round the face and ripped my pyjama shorts off and pulled at the damaged skin that was there. "You like pain Princess, that's why you look so fucking disgusting when your naked. All the burns on your body isn't a turn on for anyone. No wonder he doesn't moan your name or call out in pleasure. He's just with you for pity.

I gasped awake and sat up. Daniel was out cold from the alcohol, my first nightmare in months. I lay for a while looking at Daniel, watching him sleep. Was that voice right, did he not enjoy having sex with me. Was I disappointment in bed. Did he wish he had never got with me. My thoughts were flooded with doubt in his love and affection toward me.
I decided to get up and splash some water my face. I checked the time *5am

I got changed into some running clothes and headed out to the grounds. I was back to pushing my body to its limits but my thoughts were like a never ending battle, all I could hear was ever doubt I'd ever had.

'What if he thinks I'm disgusting? No wonder he thinks it, my body is just damaged goods? God what if he hates having sex! He doesn't call out my name or moan in pleasure. What if I'm no good at it, I'd hardly had any practice! I bet he's been with some increasing women who knew exactly how to please him!

My head was just spiralling, I was barely breathing and I couldn't catch any air to fill my lungs. Shit I'd been running for over two hours, I needed to head back to get ready for the day. I didn't really want to see Daniel but I had no choice. I just didn't want to face the questions, hopefully he couldn't remember anything from last night.

As I approached the hotel doors Grace and Joe where headed out for what looked like an early morning outing. I was mortified, I had been running, crying and vomiting out on the hotel grounds for the past two hours I must have looked awful.

"My darling girl are you okay," Grace asked, "how long have you been out here."

"Yes sorry I'm fine" I lied. "Just a quick run", I was still gasping for breath.

"You are welcome to join us for breakfast we are heading out. You know if you need a seconds break"

"I'm ok thank you though" I replied and waved as I headed back to Daniels room. I opened the door to see him in front of me dressed to head out a panic on his face. "Morning," I said walking past him and heading for the stairs.

"Where were you, how long did you run for," I must have looked awful. "You didn't wake me"

"You were drunk and I just wanted a minute alone."

"What's wrong"

"Nothing leave it"

"It's not nothing if I have to leave it"

"It's just my head, it's not you"

"Tell me"

"Not this time Daniel no." I turned my back and headed to the shower.

The rest of the morning passed in silence. I wasn't angry, when we looked to each other I smiled, my head just needed some space.

We headed to the circuit with a super long day ahead. Breakfast would be our first stop and I was already dreading it.