Short Stories :P

{2} You and I | Sep 18, 2022

Italics is flashbacks

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TW: Suicide, blood, swearing, self harm, overdose, drugs and injuries

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Light. I see light. Is this heaven? Am I dead? As I slowly flutter my green eyes open, the blurred room started getting clearer and clearer until I can finally make out the fact that I was in a hospital room.

"Holy crap, Kate, you're alive!"

Who was that? I know that voice. "Connor?" I managed to croak out, seeing the all too familiar boy with messy brunette hair. His eyes. His brown eyes. They look different. Why do they look different? They're redder. Why is it red?

I slowly sat up. "Where am I?" My head was pounding, the bright room not making anything better. "You're in the hospital." He replied, answering my question. "Why am I here--" I cut myself off when the memories came crashing in like a strong wave.

Blood. There was blood. Everywhere. Cuts on my wrists. Blood. Dripping. Dripping. Going everywhere.

I stood up. Who's that in the mirror? Bags under her eyes. Messy, red hair. Same baggy clothes that definitely need to be washed. Who is that? Is that me? It can't be.

The girl. The girl in the mirror. She is reaching for the cabinet. What is she getting? Pills. Are those pills? Why is there so much? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! What are you doing? STOP IT!

Darkness. I can't see. Why can't I see? Someone help! Help me! HELP ME!

The door rattles. Someone was banging on it. "KATE!" Who's that? He sounds familiar. "KATE! Open the door. Open the door! Open the goddamn door Kate! I swear to God. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR!"

My hands. They're not moving. I can't reach for the door. My legs. They're numb. Why can't I move my legs? Why can't I open my eyes? Help me! HELP ME!

I looked down at my wrists. The cuts were now scars. Scars that will slowly fade and become a part of me. Me. Who's that? Who am I? Who am I anymore? "W-- what am I doing here?" I muttered, my raspy voice barely above a whisper. "What do you mean? Do you not remember--"

"What am I doing here! I'm not-- I'm not s-- supposed to be alive. I-- I'm supposed to be dead--" Connor cut me off, "But you're not. You survived. That means the universe wants you to be." My blood was boiling. My eyebrows were furrowed. I was angry.

"That's a whole bunch of bullshit, Connor! I don't give a shit about what the universe fucking wants, okay?! I don't want to live! The universe can go fuck itself for all I care. I don't want to live. I don't want to be alive! Just let me die!" Those words slipped off of my tongue so easily, I couldn't have stopped them even if I tried. And now they are out there, and can't be taken back.

"D-- don't say that." He's starting to tear up. "Don't say that, Kate. Y-- you can't die." I felt even more angry. "Says who! Nobody needs me! My dad hates me! My mom is scared of me! And my brother can't even stand the fucking sight of me! I live in your fucking basement for God's sake! Now tell me, what am I good for? WHY SHOULD I LIVE?"

Now that, is a question I have asked myself multiple times. I never thought I would even merely utter those four words out loud, let alone yell them, but here we are. "For me." His words were nothing more than a whisper, yet they held so much voice. So many feelings. But I was too blind to acknowledge that.

"I don't care, man! You're one person compared to the hundreds that hate me! Everyone would be better off without me. You as well!" His long, skinny arms wrapped around me tightly, yet surprisingly held on with much strength.

"Nobody cares about me! Nobody needs me! Nobody wants me! Nobody loves me! I want to die! I want to die so badly it's unbelievable. I hate my stupid little life! And I hate this world! I hate it so much! I don't want to live anymore! Please. Please just let me die, Connor. Please."

That last part came out shockingly calm, but it was heartbreakingly genuine. He still held on, refusing to let go of me, despite my attempts to push him away. "Let me go! Let go of me!" I protested, growing increasingly annoyed at his silence. But I didn't realise at the time how true 'actions speak louder than words' really was.

"Get off of me!" He didn't. "Let go!" He still didn't. I yelled a few times more. He refused every one of those times. Yet, he stayed quiet all of those times. "Just let me die." My voice broke.

My vision went blurry again. What rolled down my face? Why was it wet? Tears. I'm crying. For the first time in years. "No," Connor whispered. Finally, he pulled away. "I care about you. I need you. I want you. And I-- I love you. Don't leave me. Don't leave me, please."

Shock overcame that anger. "I-- I'm sorry. But I don't think--" He shushed me gently. "Please don't say it again." His teary eyes looked out of the window. It was raining. What perfect timing. He looked back and stared straight into my eyes.

"Please," Connor's voice was practically silent.

'Please,'

'Please,'

'Please.'

"I'm sorry," Guilt rushed through my veins as more tears that begged to come out were held back with all of my strength. Connor was silent. His face flashed multiple emotions. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. Stress. Denial. And, ever so slightly, it lit up. The same way it did every time he got an idea.

"Fine," For a split second, I thought he finally accepted my choice. My choice to leave this world. But there was no 'acceptance' anywhere in his voice. "If you're gonna die, then I will too." Why does he have to always make it so goddamn difficult? "Connor--"

"No! Don't you understand? I love you, Kate. Living without you is worse than anything I can ever imagine. I would rather go to hell and back then live without you. If the cost to be with you is to die, then I sure as hell will do so."

Never would I have thought Connor would love me. Broken little Kate, who would ever love that? "I can't have you do that, Connor." I murmured. "Fine. Then you live. If not for yourself, then for me. I promise, I will help you through it. You won't be alone, okay? So don't think about everyone else. Just me. It's just you and I."

"Promise you will never leave me." I stuck my pinky out, reaching over to Connor, who sat on the swing next to me. "I promise I'll never leave you." Our pinkies entangled. "Just you and I forever"

I hesitated. He saw. "We pinky promised," Eyes wide, I looked at him, "You can't ever break a pinky promise." My heart was beating fast. Why? What was happening? What was I feeling? Anger? No. Happy? Definitely not. What was it? What's that word?

Love. It's love.

What was my mouth doing? Why was it curving up? Am I smiling? Connor smiled too. "Just you and I."

"Forever."

1228 words

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I was depressed for a while, and one night I just wanted to die. When I wrote this, I thought about that night, and how I attempted to- yea. I tried to remember how I felt, and imagined how it would've been like if I did do it.