Short Stories :P

{124} Love in The Air | Aug 15, 2023

TW: Mentions of depression

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Love is in the air, but it's just the smoke being released from your cigarette: suffocating and killing me slowly with the hidden poison.

I don't know why I even fell for you in the first place, falling thinking you would catch me but instead being left to drop into the dark ends, clueless and scared and not knowing how I somehow ended up there.

I never really cared about why you were the way you were, sugarcoating the bitterness of your thoughts with sweet words and transient attention. I never cared of how you would just throw me away like trash and treat other people as if they were the most important person in your life, while I'm the only one who helped you with your problems and troubles in any way. I didn't care because I didn't want to lose you, I didn't care because I knew that the moment I began to mind, you would leave without a goodbye, and my problem was that I was too stupid and too attached to let you leave; I needed you to be in my life.

It took me longer than I would've liked to realise the way you truly were, that the supposed clinginess is to get me to trust you, that the constant late calls were not for you to talk to me but to receive attention during night-time depression while being isolated from everyone, that whenever you did speak to me was after a heartbreak or just during an overwhelmingly sad state of your life.

There was once I tried to leave you, to cut you from my life officially. Yet somehow you've made your way back so easily and effortlessly once again. It almost seemed impossible to ever get rid of you, maybe it was impossible-- the pesky insect that just kept on coming back, unwelcome and hated.

I accepted you even with your pain and past, even with your cruel intentions and lack of care. You reached out to me for love, and I gave it to you without even thinking twice, without considering the possible consequences. Yet you never saw me as anything more than a placeholder for until you got the next girl; you just knew I was easy to use and would always be there for you when you wanted to come back. And me and my idiotic-self accepted it as just a flaw in your personality rather than just pure selfishness.

You've intoxicated me by leading me on and leaving me to fall when I'm right at the tip of the mountain; on my own.

I only wanted you to like me, like me more than just the pit stop in between your ex and your next girlfriend. I wanted you to like me as if I was your next girlfriend, like me like how I've been liking you for so long.

Now I've gone off the deep end, discarded yet again after I've fallen for your alluring trap, and I don't know how I'm supposed to heal from it for another time.

512 words

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I remembered how I felt him, and seemed to have realised some things.