Short Stories :P

{48} Fuck You | Oct 27, 2022

TW: Death and swearing

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It was the crack of dawn. The sky was a periwinkle purple, though slowly a peachy red was creeping through. This oh so colorful sky was covered with a layer of storm clouds as drops of rain fell onto the mostly dead grass, as well as me.

With my hands in my jacket pockets as my beanie-covered head hung low, I stared daggers at the grave in front of me. 'Elian Monroe Alvárez' was carved onto the stone. My dark brown eyes were filled with all kinds of emotions; anger, rage, but most of all-- hatred.

I hated this man that laid dead underground; and I know what people say, 'be kind to the dead', but he-- he doesn't deserve my kindness, he doesn't deserve my respect. Ah yes, I forgot to mention, this man was my dad-- well, biologically that is.

I cleared my throat, looking down at my feet. "Y'know, the only reason I came is because mum told me to." I muttered, a British accent laced in my raspy voice. "I don't want to see you and I never will-- but she wouldn't leave me alone until I've visited; so here I am." The raindrops got louder as the wind got heavier.

"You probably don't know this-- but I actually looked up to you growing up; I wanted to be just like you." I chuckled. "And now-- well being you would be my worst fucking nightmare." I cleared my throat again, scanning my eyes over his simple grave.

"And-- I know I said I have nothing to say to you, but-- but I do, actually; I have a lot to say." I cleared my throat yet again, feeling as if there was a lump there. "You-- you're the worst father I could ever get. And yes, I know there are people worse out there, but I-- I don't think I deserved such a horrible person like you!" Finally, I started raising my voice.

"Y-- you made my life seem boring and stupid-- you made me hate myself. You made me hate everything I like and everyone I love. You ruined my life just so I could be moulded into this perfect little lady that you wanted. You treated me like complete shit; you laughed at me when I cried, you got annoyed when I laughed, you shushed me when I talked.

"You completely-- ignored the fact that I am another human being-- worse! Your fucking child. Did you even want children? Because you have shown that you don't. A-- and I'm not mad that you died, I'm mad that I have never got to shout all of this at you because you sure as hell deserve it!

"You made me feel worthless, dumb, ugly, and so much more; you-- you hurt me. And now that the damage is done, now that I don't show emotions, and I stopped talking around you-- you're still not satisfied! What does it take to make you proud; what does it take for you to not be disappointed like you are to every other fucking thing I do!

"Y-- you say you love me, a-- and you say you care about me; but how come you don't show that you love me, how come you don't care about the-- the-- cruel things you have done to me? The cruel ways you have made me feel?" My voice cracked though my eyes were dry, because that was how I was taught to be, never cry.

"You know what? I'm not sad; I'm not sad that you're dead. You have been nothing but a pain in the ass for as long as I've been alive; you made me want to die! And now that you are, I can finally breathe; finally not worry about when you're going to blow up and start yelling at everyone around you.

"You never showed up in my life, and I'm glad that I didn't show up to your funeral, or memorial; because you do not deserve my presence. I hate you-- with every fibre of my being. I don't believe in all that afterlife shit, but if there is, and if you're listening to me right now, I have just one more thing to say: fuck you-- for what you did to me and this family.

"Don't expect me to come back ever again." I spat out, and then started walking away. The rain only got harder as time passed; I put my earplugs in to block out the world, listening to the beautiful sad tunes as I thought of the things I just said; the words that I uttered to a man I thought I would never talk to again. And I never will.

You know what? I'm glad mum made me come here, because I've got to tell him things I never would've whilst he was alive. Finally, I felt the least bit of clearance; finally, I felt like I could be away from him and his idiocy. Finally, I can live my life as a normal teenager without worrying about what he might think or do. Finally, I can be free.

856 words

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These are the words I want to say to my father, but will never get to. So instead of keeping them in my head, I decided to write it down.