Short Stories :P

{96} Surviving | Mar 9, 2023

TW: Eating disorder, self harm and suggestions of suicide

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I'm not really happy, nor am I sad. I'm just kind of... there.

I used to hate my life at home, because everything always went wrong there. And even if studying wasn't always fun, I always had something to look forward to at school.

But now, home isn't all that bad anymore, and school isn't all that good.

So I'm kind of just... surviving.

I mean, my parents are great. My father has always paid for everything, and my mother took care of everything else.

My friends are always there for me when it mattered. Like the first time I made myself vomit, and the first time I cut myself. And they were all very supportive when I came out.

Of course, my sister. We were never close, but she's the one person that truly understands me 100%, even if I'm not sure that she knows it.

But then my father was never really there either, he was gone half ov my life. And when he was around, he mostly ignored me and got mad.

And my mother, I know she loves me, and I know she cares-- but sometimes I think she cares more about what I could be instead of what I already am.

My friends too. It used to feel fun and, in the best way, chaotic around them. But now I just feel left out. So... replaceable.

And my sister, the person I act like I hate but really love so much. It feels so pressuring around her. How to act, what to do. One small thing could be taken the wrong way.

Now it just feels like life is meaningless. Nothing is too bad, but they're not all that good either. Nothing to look forward to, but so much to accomplish. I don't want to die, but living isn't that great either.

So now I'm just stuck in a cycle of surviving, but wanting to end it.

And overall, just lonely.

326 words

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To be honest, I really didn't have a motive for this story. We had a test during math, and I finished like 20 minutes in and had to find something to do for the rest of the lesson. And I just managed to come up with this. I mean, the things I said are true, but I really just mustered up the first words that came to my head.