Short Stories :P

{14} My Heart | Sep 25, 2022

Italics is thoughts

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Lunch. My favourite time of the school day. I never really have any free time after school, so the only time I really get to hang out with Emmaline and Jason is during school. I sat with Emma, eating my tuna sandwich while she ate her salad.

You see, Emma was my best friend. We have been best friends for years. But I always knew there was something more there. At least, there was to me. Everytime I look at her, I don't just see a girl. I see her luscious dark brown hair, mostly straight but has a few waves at the front. I see her chocolate brown eyes, sweet yet dark. I see the small birthmark on her chin, that's seemingly shaped like a heart. I see more than just Emmaline-- I see the most gorgeous, perfect human-being I have ever laid eyes on. A sight for sore eyes.

Though, once my amber eyes landed on her brown ones, I could see she wasn't looking at me. Instead, someone behind me. "Who're you looking at?" I asked, right after swallowing a bite of my sandwich. "What-- no one." Emma replied, snapping out of her daze. Though even after denying my question, she still didn't stop looking at the person.

I turned around, my eyes landing on Jason, my other best friend. Well, my only other friend other than Emma. According to everyone else, he was a pretty good-looking guy. I mean, blonde hair, blue eyes. Understandable. But I never really found him attractive. I never found any boy attractive. Not the same way Emma looked in my eyes.

He walked over to us, holding his tray of school food, before sitting down next to me so I was in between the both of them. I glanced over to Emma again. Her chin was set on her left hand, while her other one fed slow bites of her salad to her mouth. She was completely mesmerised by Jason. And as much as I didn't want to admit it, my heart broke every time she stared at him.

Why can't you look at me like that? I would think. Why can't you be completely mesmerised by how I look? Do you know how every mere glance you give him, a piece of my heart fades? Do you know how completely and utterly in love I am? Do you know how you own my heart, and I would let you shatter it into a million pieces if it means it will get you to love me back? But of course, she doesn't.

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Alone I sat on the swings. The wind blew through my braided red hair. It was twilight, the stars shining bright in the sky, though nothing compared to the moon. Just like how all of the boys in the world wouldn't compare to Emmaline.

I would often stay up at night, imagining how things would be like if Emma and I did get together. Imagining how it would feel like if she did love me back. But then I would be completely crushed after remembering she would never love me back. She would always find some other person that would be better than me. Some other boy that is better than me.

And whenever I needed a break, whether it's from the thinking, or the judgement from my dad, or the jealousy that constantly rushed through my veins at the thought of Emma with someone else, I would go to the swings. It could be four in the afternoon, or literally three in the morning. The swings always helped me with my problems, by simply reminding me that I'm still a kid. And all of my problems will be solved one day, and that the worrying isn't necessary yet.

The whistle of the wind calmed me with every hum, the cool air hitting my face; me closing my eyes to enjoy it, taking a deep breath. "Hey Katalina." I heard someone say from behind me. I slowly fluttered my amber eyes open, not needing to turn around to know that it was Jason's voice. "Y'know, I come here to be alone." I stated, continuing to stare forward.

"I know, but I wanted to talk." He declared, coming to sit on the swing next to mine. There was silence between us for a moment until Jason finally spoke up, saying, "I know how you feel about Emma. And I know how she feels about me." I remained quiet, not knowing how to respond to that. "And I just want to tell you right now, that I don't like her in that way."

I almost sighed out in relief when he said that. "But I have to tell you right now. I do not care if it might hurt your feelings, but you have to hear it," Jason started saying, "Emma doesn't like you back. She has made it clear that she is straight, and continuing to chase after her is just foolish. At some point, you would need to learn to move one, Lina, if you don't want your heart broken even more."

I fidgeted with my fingers, trying my best to contain my anger. I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shout at Jason, to tell him that what he said wasn't true, that she will love me back. But deep down, I knew what he said was right, and falling deeper for her would just end in heartbreak for me. And the worst part? Emma would never even know.

Birds chirped in the distance, the trees rustling with every blow of the midnight breeze, these little noises filling the empty silence. "I know," I croaked out, refusing to turn and look at him; refusing to see the look of pity that must have masked his face. "I-- I know, alright? I know she'll never love me back. I remind myself that every single day. But I can't help but be in love with her, Jason. I can't just tell myself to stop loving her."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, Jason not responding to my ramble, leading to me continuing so. "I can't help wanting to run my hands through her hair when she vomits at a party. Or stop my increasing heartbeat every time our hands touch by accident. I can't help wanting to kiss her every time I lay eyes on her. She is the most beautiful person I have ever met, and I love her with every bit of my heart."

Finally, I turned to look at Jason. "She has my heart in her hands and she doesn't even know it." I whispered, "And she never will."

1117 words

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Yet again on the girl I've swooned over. She never noticed me while she was all I could notice. She's dated multiple guys, crushed over a lot of dudes, while my little gay heart is getting shattered.