Marvel Oneshots X Male reader

Deadpool Being The 'Perfect Wingman' To Piotr And His Crush

During the sunny weather, many people are in the yard, enjoying the day. Some are even outside to have class there. One of these classes is biology, where Y/N is showing nature and explaining how flora works.

As Y/N focuses on the class, someone else is focused on him. A few feet away, behind a tree, Piotr is bent over his sketchbook, deeply focused on sketching Y/N, whom he deems beautiful. He hears the faint sounds of people talking and birds chirping.

Suddenly, someone yells in his ear.

"Splash attack!"

The giant man jumps back, shocked to feel his entire body soaked. What's worse, his sketch—almost finished—is now ruined by water balloons. He quickly looks to the right and glares at a happy, childlike adult.

"Wade...!"

"C'mon, let's swim! Bet you look great in a speed—" Deadpool, wearing only his swimming shorts, is suddenly yanked back by the giant man.

"You just ruined my work."

"Oh, whoops." Wade doesn't sound remorseful, which angers Piotr further. "You can always use AI."

With a huff, Piotr lets go of Wade.

"Leave." He goes back to grab his sketchbook. That's when the lunatic notices who he was sketching and quickly snatches it from the metal man's hands. "Give that back!"

"Ooh~ does someone have a crush?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Piotr snatches his sketchbook back and turns to walk away.

"Wait!" Deadpool quickly follows him. "I know it's not really a thing in Russia, but you can fuck guys all you want here."

"Language."

"Don't deflect the issue." Deadpool gets in front of his one-sided friend. "It's obvious you're insecure because of your whole closet-case stick."

"I'm not."

"So you don't deny being gay."

Piotr lets out a soft groan, not wanting Wade to know he's getting under his skin. "I'm going."

"Listen, big guy. You're in luck, because I'm known to be a womanizer and an... manizer? What's the right word...?" Wade mutters, then switches back to his usual tone. "Anyway, point still stands: I know how guys think. My current fuck count is over 100."

"How are you not fired yet?"

The two enter the school, and Piotr heads to the art classroom.

"Stop deflecting. Start accepting." Wade says wisely. "You need my advice to get your man. Now, let's start: do you like Y/N, or do you want to fuck him?" He asks curiously as they pass a couple of students, who look confused.

"How many times do I need to say 'language' for you to comprehend?" Piotr mutters, feeling embarrassed.

"I'm going to give you both advice then." Deadpool shrugs. "If you want to fuck him, then—"

Piotr scowls and closes his mouth. As Wade rambles with barely understandable words, the giant leads him to his classroom.

"To think you found new ways to disappoint me." Once inside, Piotr removes his hand.

"-Just think about it. Great body, lack of clothes, big cock, and a banana hammock—I'd definitely jump on you and hump—"

"Stop talking about my body."

"We live in America. I have my right to free speech, which I clearly didn't have back in Russia." Deadpool gets another glare from the taller man. "But let's discuss dating. There's one thing everyone loves: charisma. You need to work on that. First, don't stutter—unless Y/N likes the shy, precious boi." Wade softens his voice.