Almost Is Never Enough || Book I

Chapter 33

Almost Is Never Enough

Chapter 33

*Meanwhile at the hospital*

"Jay, I'm worried about Nathan. We haven't heard anything about how he's doing." You said.

"I'm sure he's fine," Jay comforted you.

"But I don't think he is. There's something telling me he's not okay," you said, looking at Jay. Siva then walked into the room, shutting the door abruptly.

"Siva? Oh my god what's wrong with Nath?" You asked worriedly.

"He wants to see you," Siva said.

"But what's wrong?" You asked, as he began to tell you.

"He's really depressed. He hasn't moved or anything. We've been trying to get his mind off things, but they seem to always come back to you. He's been talking about suicide, he burned the picture of the day you two met, he refused tea. He's just broken." Siva explained.

Your hand flew over your mouth. "Oh my god," you said, choking back tears.

"He needs to talk to you. He's just so depressed right now." Siva said.

"Okay," you whispered, walking over to Siva, crying slightly.

"Should I come too? Or would it be worse?" Jay asked.

"I don't think you can, Jay. Doctor's orders." You said, pressing your lips against his gently.

"Okay. Well good luck," he said with a promising smile.

You nodded. "Stay safe Bird," you said, smiling at him. He gave you a smile as you left the hospital with Siva.

"He wrote something on the photo. 'We almost knew what love was...but almost is never enough,'" Siva remarked.

"Oh my god..." You said as you broke out in tears.

Siva drove you both back home. "Shhh babe. He'll move on," he said unconvincingly.

"Are you sure? From what it sounds like I don't think he will," you said through sobs. Siva just looked at you sadly and helped you out of the car.

Siva opened the door and you were shocked at how broken Nathan was. You walked softly into the room, Nathan seemed to be in a daydream or something. You sat down right beside him and he didn't seem to even notice or care.

"Nathan?" You asked quietly. He snapped right out of his daze at the sound of your voice and looked over at you, speechless with wide eyes. You quickly hugged him out of instinct. He hugged you back, resting his head in the crook of your shoulder, letting a few tears slip. You didn't let go. You just stayed in his embrace comforting him silently, as if your mere presence could comfort him.

"I'm sorry Nathan," you whispered to him, never wanting to let go. He didn't respond, just tightened his grip on you, as if you might slip through his fingers like water. Everyone around you felt like crying at how sad and special this was. It was so heartfelt.

"Nathan," you whispered, repeating his name over and over, remembering how many times you'd said it with a lovesick tone to your voice.

Nathan finally spoke up, tears in his eyes. "You don't understand how lost I am without you. I need you, I'm in love with you."

You were honestly speechless. You just kept hugging him, wiping your tears away once in a while. "I don't want you to be broken," you whispered.

Nathan looked at you, tears streaming down his cheeks, "But I am without you..."

Everyone else had slowly started moving out of the room, on a silent agreement that you needed to resolve this by yourself.

"But Nathan..." You started to say, before he crashed his lips into yours, trying to tell you everything through the kiss.

You wanted to pull away, but you just couldn't. There was so much love in it, there was no way you could shut him out. He slipped his tongue in as his hand grazed the back of your neck, bringing you closer to him. You felt tears falling down your cheeks as you completely gave into the kiss, having missed the feeling of his lips on yours. You pushed him down on the couch as he brought you down with him, missing you way too much. Your hands ran through his hair as he flipped you over, dominating you. You let out a small moan as he kissed your sweet spot, then returned back to your slightly swollen lips. He kissed you roughly as he touched your skin, his cool hands giving you a rush as you slipped your tongue into his mouth to connect with his. It was his turn to let out a quiet, low, raspy moan. You slipped your hands under his shirt, making him shiver. You then pulled him down to you, leaving no space as he moved his lips back to your neck, gently leaving kisses leading down to your collarbone. You shivered and he slightly grinded against you. He then connected his lips with yours again.

"I love you," he whispered huskily. You kissed him back, not wanting to answer him. You flipped him over again and pressed your hands against his chest, straddling him. You felt a hardness beneath you and smirked. You then kissed him again, wanting to make him feel loved. His hands caressed your cheeks as he kissed you back, forgetting about how lost he was now that he found you again. Then, a small voice in your mind reminded you of Jay, and you instantly felt guilty.

You weren't here to lead Nathan on. But, you were here to heal his heart. It was so confusing. You just kept kissing Nathan, hands running through his hair. That small voice grew louder as you pictured Jay still in the hospital, alone.

You broke apart from Nathan. "I-I'm sorry Nathan..." You choked out, looking away from him as you put your head in your hands. He looked at you, hurt with tears in his eyes. "I'm just so stupid, I shouldn't be doing this..." You mumbled. "I shouldn't be leading you on. I keep hurting the two people I love more than anything."

"Love, no you're not." Nathan lied. It was hurting him deeply, but he only rubbed your back to comfort you.

"Yes I am. Don't lie. I hate myself so much right now." You whispered.

"Well you shouldn't. Not when you're the sweetest, prettiest, most amazing girl I've ever met." Nathan said.

"So I've been told," you muttered angrily through your tears.

"Love, please stop crying. I hate it when people cry because it only means they're in pain." Nathan said, trying to console you.

"Goddammit Nathan I am in pain!" You yelled, crying even harder.

"Oh love," Nathan said as he pulled you into a hug, trying so hard to comfort you. You just sobbed into his chest.

"I don't want to see you so broken; thinking suicidal thoughts, burning your favorite picture of us after writing the saddest words on it, not even drinking tea anymore. Don't you know it's killing me?" Nathan didn't know how to respond to that. He just held you tighter as you cried into his chest. "It's killing me Nathan," you repeated.

"I wish it wasn't though." Nathan whispered.

You continued crying. "Why Nathan? Why do you care so much? Why does Jay care so much? Why are you willing to take your lives for me?" You whispered, shaking uncontrollably.

"Because we love you. We're in love with you and we can't change that even if you want us to." Nathan said as he kissed the top of your head.

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