«3» It had to be done

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Jimin's POV

It's funny how people care so much, like how does it affect my parents if I decide to starve myself. I'm hurting my body not theirs so it's kinda silly that they cry over me, cry over someone who is obviously hurting. I take a deep sigh running my hand threw my hair feeling a couple strands getting caught on my fingers as I pull away. 'Funny' is the only word I can seem to think about this whole situation, I mean here I am one second hating everyone who wants to help me then the next I want to help myself. How is that possible? yes maybe going into a inpatient center will change my mind about this whole living thing, maybe they will convince me to stay.

I mean here I stand on a stood in my kitchen, with a rope tied to the fan on the ceiling trying to think of things that made me happy. I'm alone no one to hold me close and tell me everything was okay or if anything would be okay. If I wanted to end it all now then I would do it I wouldn't be standing here contemplating whether I should or shouldn't. Why am I not doing it? I took three deep breaths holding the rope in my hands before  jumping off the stool with a huff upset I couldn't go threw with it.

I was annoyed mostly but eventually I calmed down and left the kitchen in a fit of furry knocking off the pillows on the couch. I was moving so fast that I had to take a seat to try and catch my breath which left me to calm down and look down at the trash that held the brochure I told myself I would forget about. I got up and walked over to the small trash can and I grabbed the bag which just had two beer cans a couple cigarettes and the brochure. I went to go tie up the bag so I could throw it out before something took over me causing me to grab the packet and throwing the bag with the rest of the contents on the floor.

'You are going to do this, you can do this, you are strong.' I thought seeing the three happy teens on the front of the packet. I try to convince myself that this will save me from the demons in my head, that going with my aunt to the clinic will convince my brain that I was normal. 

'Oh my fucking god I'm doing this.' I grab my phone off the coffee table watching the cigarette I smoked this morning fall off my phone and onto the floor. I unlocked my phone going to my aunt's contact hovering my thumb above the call button not wanting to but wanting to call her at the same time. it took a little but eventually I clicked the button putting my phone up to my ear and listening to the ringing which wasn't long.

« Ah Jimin darling how have you been? » Her cheerful voice was disgusting, like how can people be so fucking happy?

« Uh yeah fuck » I couldn't say it, I genuinely couldn't my mind knew what I was doing, as if I was tricking myself to get help.

« Don't cuss Jiminie, now why are you calling? » Her voice changed to a stern tone before changing back into a happy one almost like a switch.

« r-Right uh I'm sorry but I'm looking at the broch- »

« Did you change your mind? » She cut me off and the only thing I could think about was how rude that was even for her.

« Yes before I change my mind I do want help, maybe I don't know » I needed to just tell her I want help before I changed my mind and get back into that kitchen.

« That's great Jiminie, I knew you would change your mind, the young girl will be excited to see you » I hate that.

« Do you know what gay means? I don't think you do » I huffed when she didn't respond, I just heard her typing something.

« I will get your enrollment ready and I'll come over there to take you tomorrow » I sighed and we said our goodbyes before hanging up and throwing my phone on the couch.

'Fucking hell what did I just do?'

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