30 minute rule || Yoonmin

«109» It's not working out

The couple made it back home before it was lunch time, Yoongi eventually made it into the kitchen because he was hungry and ready for lunch. Jimin went into the living room to sit on the couch and think about his appointment and what his therapist had told him. He was also trying to decide if he really wanted this, it got harder to fight the voice in his head and it was making him rethink his recovery, his therapist told him to stop listening to the voice that this was his body and he will do what is right for him however he has been told that so much that it didn't really work.

« Where did you put the folder, I wanna make some lunch for us. » He walked out into the living room then stopped when he saw how uncomfortable Jimin looked. His arms were wrapped around his waist and he was just looking down at the coffee table, eyebrows furrowed.

« Here. » Jimin just pointed down to the table in front of him, the folder was in the middle and he was just staring at it hoping it would go away. Yoongi noticed that Jimin was uncomfortable in some way. He didn't know if this was all too much for him or if he was overthinking this whole thing.

« Hey what's wrong? » It was possible that Jimin was feeling overwhelmed from his therapist appointment but he was also worried because Jimin did get his blood taken and he might be feeling a little bit light headed which if that was the case he would quickly go to make him some lunch.

« Nothing, I'm fine. » Yoongi could tell he wasn't fine but he couldn't push him to tell him what was wrong. He just grabbed the folder off of the table, he leaned over to kiss Jimin on the top of his head before going back into the kitchen. He didn't like seeing Jimin in this state however he knew if he pushed Jimin to say what was on his mind then he would get upset.

Jimin just didn't know, he was having so many mixed feelings and it was getting harder to push the toxic thoughts away. He heard Yoongi making lunch and he was convincing himself that this was how his life would be now. He tried to tell that voice that he was going to get healthy and there nothing that voice can tell him that will change his mind.

Yoongi made them both lunch, it was a whole turkey sandwich. It was a bigger portion than he has been eating. It was paired with potato chips, he put less on Jimin's plate because he didn't want to freak him out. He also grabbed some water for them before setting it on the table where they normally eat on the bar stools.

« Alright babe it's done. » Jimin was in the same position that he was in when he went to go make lunch. Jimin jumped a little when Yoongi spoke and just watched him set everything down before getting up.

« Feeling any better? If you're still lightheaded then drink some water. » Yoongi pushed his glass of water closer to the younger. Jimin did feel a little light headed however that wasn't what he was upset about or freaking out about. He didn't really know what was wrong in the first place, yes his head hurt but it was hard to not think about the weight gain.

« Thank you for going through this with me and being here to help me, I could definitely not do this on my own. » He took a sip of the water and watched Yoongi take a bite of his sandwich. He received a kiss on his nose and an arm over the shoulder.

« You don't have to thank me baby. » He pulled Jimin closer to him as the two of them ate, the two of them just sat there and talked about everything and nothing at the same time. They weren't watching tv and Yoongi wasn't doing homework, they were just both talking and being there with each other.

« Since I was really good this past week can we go on a walk? » They were now done eating and Yoongi was in the middle of washing their plates when Jimin asked. Yoongi instantly thought back to the time last week where they were going to go on a walk, but that didn't happen. Yes he knew Jimin was doing well but he was scared that Jimin would relapse again after he did well for a whole week so he didn't want to go outside to burn off the calories he just ate because usually when you are recovering you can't do exercise like how you normally would.

« Uh I don't know, not really in the walking mood. » He tried to come up with a good excuse on why he didn't want to go on a walk. He didn't want to tell Jimin what he really was thinking.

« Come on, I want to go outside and see what's out there. » Jimin sat back down on the barstool looking at Yoongi. The voice in his head was telling him to go on a walk and burn off the calories he ate but he actually wanted to go on a walk with Yoongi. He wanted to hold hands and walk around outside looking at the different stores and maybe try to convince Yoongi to buy him a cute stuffed animal or something like what normal couples do.

« If you want to burn off calories do it without me knowing, if you're going to relapse again then I don't wanna know about it. » His voice was so dull and it sounded like he lost hope as he closed the dishwasher he couldn't believe he let that slip out, he was so focused on washing their dishes and he wasn't really thinking when he said it.

« Relapse? I'm sorry that I want to spend time with you on your two days off, I'm sorry I want to get some fresh air and I'm so sorry that you think I want to try to burn the calories I just ate. I can't believe you put so much trust in me to only throw me away and assume I'm relapsing constantly so yeah maybe it's not a good idea, sorry for asking. » Jimin stormed out of the room and down the hall, everytime he wanted to do something with Yoongi or even when he said something Yoongi always assumed he was going to relapse but then the next minute he says he's proud and that he loves him he was getting mixed feelings constantly and those are the times that Jimin really rethinks having Yoongi in this recovery process but he didn't want to go through this alone.

Once again Yoongi ruined it, he knew he was going to say something that would mess everything up. He slammed his fists on the marble countertop he can't stop fucking it up and he can't help it, he's so scared. He is terrified and he wants to keep Jimin in his apartment and cuddle him all day to keep him safe but he can't do that. He has to let Jimin do other things, they can't watch tv together every single day and all they were going to do was go on a walk and he mentioned Jimin relapsing he was so stupid and he knew it.

He looked down at his fists and they were already starting to bruise from how hard he hit his hands against the counter top. He closed his eyes and breathed out really hard. He looked down the hall and he didn't know if he should go apologize to Jimin now or if he should just wait for Jimin to come out of their room. He just had to be careful with the words he said and made sure Jimin didn't feel trapped in this apartment.

Jimin just wanted to be normal, he wanted to go shopping, go on walks, and go out to restaurants with his boyfriend however when he is told he is relapsing by just going out on a walk he feels defeated. He feels like he should just relapse because it would be easier wouldn't it? He couldn't stay in this apartment for weeks and only go out when he needs to see his therapist and he just wanted Yoongi to know that but he can't make Yoongi see it. He just sat on the bed crying because he just wanted to be normal and have a normal relationship but this was so complicated and he hated it.

He didn't want to do this anymore, he didn't want to live like this and it was hard to tell Yoongi about his feelings and when he brings up something he wants to do and Yoongi shuts him down then he feels rejected. He knows Yoongi cares about him but this was just too much.