Troublemaker [[JHS]] ✔️

56

I stood looking over the ledge, wondering what it felt like to die. I had attempted so many times by taking a bunch of pills and then swallowing them with vodka, but I was never lucky enough to get what I wanted. I was always caught and rushed to a hospital, where they pumped my stomach and got a psychiatrist to do a psych test on me. I always managed to convince them that I was sane enough to go home but then the next week, I was back in a hospital going through the same thing. It was a never ending cycle for me. 

Then Jaeho found out what I was doing and he made me promise never to do it again. I caved into the thoughts a few more times before I realised what I was doing. I remembered how much pain and suffering I went through when my brother took his own life, so I stopped. Jaeho took all the pills from my room and flushed them down the toilet with me watching. I didn't stop drinking because it was a coping strategy for me.

No one knew that about me and I wasn't going to tell them anytime soon. It was the past and I hoped that it would stay there. I knew that if I attempted to kill myself, they would suffer and I didn't want them to suffer. They were like family to me. The only family I had.

I sighed and looked up at the sky, and I smiled. Even though there was a cool breeze it was still warm and the sky was bright blue with a few clouds in the sky. I was lucky to get to the roof without being caught and since I was a troublemaker, any lock could be picked. The teacher's poor attempt at shutting the roof to students failed. I picked through three locks with ease and tucked them away for when I felt like going back down the stairs.

I quickly looked around to see if anyone had come up to the roof before looking back at the sky.

"I miss you, bro," I said quietly "There isn't a day where I don't think about you. To think you would be turning 23 soon but I guess things go too hard" I sighed and stared at the other students running laps "I don't hate you anymore. I just hate that you left me behind. You should have waited a few more minutes and you might have been here still"

I swallowed back tears and sighed "I wish you were still here. I wish you were the one to hug me and tell me that everything will be ok. But you aren't. You didn't even give me the chance to tell you that I loved you. I didn't get to say bye to you properly and I hate that I stayed those extra minutes after school. I'm sorry that I couldn't see the pain you were hiding"

The wind blew softly and I closed my eyes.

"I know you aren't in pain" I whispered "I love you. I just wish you were here with me right now. I want you to be looking down on me and I want you to...sometimes I want to join you because everything is too much but I know that if I do, you'll be so disappointed in me. You're probably disappointed in me right now"

"I don't think he is" I jumped at the voice and I turned around to see Hoebag leaning on the wall behind me. He pushed himself off and walked over to me, looking down at the other students. He didn't say anything and I turned to watch them as well.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"I didn't think you wanted to be found but I had a feeling you could pick locks, so I came up here and found you"

"How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough Harley. Long enough" He sighed and looked up at the sky "You aren't alone Harley, no matter what you think or how you feel"

I didn't say anything. I just looked up at him, watching the breeze float through his hair. For once he wasn't scowling and it just showed how handsome he really was. He turned to look at me and he smiled sadly at me.

"I had a sister once," He said, "She was a few minutes older than me and we were close. We did everything together, getting into trouble all the time and we got so many babysitters fired it was unreal. At first, we didn't know what our parents did because we were kept out of their world" He sighed and looked up at the sky "Then we found out what they did. I thought it was cool. I thought that my dad was even cooler because people were scared of him. People respected him and that's what I wanted"

"And your sister?"

"She hated it," He said "People found out who our parents were in school, and they stopped talking to her. They ignored her because they thought that she was violent and they were scared that our parents would kill them for talking to her. My parents would never stop us from having friends. They wanted us to have a life separate from theirs. Other gangs didn't know they had kids and if they did, they didn't know our faces"

Hoebag sighed and turned around, to sit on the floor. He looked up at me and tapped the floor beside him "Sit with me...please"

I nodded and sat down, bringing my knees to my chest and I turned my head to look at him as he spoke.

"An enemy of my dad found out who we were and we had to go into protection. We were pulled out of school and locked up in our rooms" He said quietly "Our bodyguard was supposed to protect us but it turned out that he was working for two gangs. We were only 13 when we were kidnapped"

"Holy shit," I said.

Hoebag closed his eyes "I still remember how we went without food for a week. We were given little water and we were beaten badly. My sister, being the hero she was, protected me, saying that it was her duty as my older sister" Hoebag laughed bitterly "She was my twin and I should have protected her. She was just a girl who hated the life she was born into"

"What happened to her?"

Hoebag looked over at me, tears filling his eyes "It was a year before we were let go and as we were walking towards my parents, someone shot at us"

My eyes went wide and I gasped. He quickly wiped tears away from his face but they kept on falling. I quickly pulled him into a hug and he held me tightly as he cried quietly.

"The bullet only grazed my arm" He cried "But my sister wasn't so lucky. The bullet hit her in the back of the neck and I watched my sister choke on her own blood. I watched my sister die in my arms. I watched her look up at me and I watched her smile as her life drained from her. My beautiful twin sister died in my arms, Harley"

I felt my eyes burn and I hugged him tighter, not wanting to let him go. I was seeing a side to him that I never thought he had and I hated myself for judging him before getting to know him. I was such an idiot.

"I understand you more than you think," He said, pushing me away and holding my face in his hands "But you are never alone in this world. You may think that the world fucking hates you but it doesn't"

"How can you be so sure?" I asked quietly, and he wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

Hoebag smiled slightly, "There's this saying my mum used to tell me and I don't think I've ever forgotten it"

"Amuse me" I whispered.

"Behind everything beautiful, there was been some kind of pain." He said, leaning closer to my face "You've been dealt some shitty cards but so have I. But there is one thing that my sister taught me and it's to never stop fighting"

"How can-"

"You have me, Harley," He said, letting his breath tickle my lips "Don't give up, please. You may hate me but if I see you give up then I would feel like I failed you. If you get angry, then take it out on me. If you want to cry, then cry with me. Believe it or not, I can handle everything you throw at me"

I swallowed the lump in my throat "I don't hate you and I'm not a pretty sight when I'm angry"

Hoebag smiled "Yeah? Well, I think you're hotter when you're angry"

I smiled slightly "You're only saying that cause you want to kiss me"

"Maybe," He said, his lips brushing mine "But everything I say to you is the truth"

Hoebag pressed his lips against mine, kissing me gently and I kissed him back, letting warm tears roll down my cheeks. He pulled away and smiled, his tears still on his cheeks.

"You aren't alone anymore Harley"