Troublemaker [[JHS]] ✔️

70

I stood by the bathroom door and remembered what almost happened here. My heart was racing as I stared at the empty pill packets on the floor and my breathing quickened. My body began to shake and I slammed the door shut as I started to break out in a cold sweat.

"Fuck," I whispered and walked out of the room. Even though I felt fine, I guess seeing the room I tried to kill myself in still hit me like a tonne of bricks. I would have thought the bathroom would be cleaned but Hana probably didn't want to go back in there. She was the one to find me and I knew she'd never forgive me for that. I most likely gave her nightmares.

It brought back the memory of watching my brother cut his own wrists and jump from the landing with the rope around his neck. I glanced down at my hands remembering them smothered in his blood and my body started to tremble.

As I walked through the dorms, I used the wall to support myself. I had been asked to be left alone because it was something I needed to deal with myself. I wished that someone had gone with me now because I needed something to distract my thoughts. I blinked away the memory of the pain I felt and how much I had thrown up. My chest began to hurt and I wiped away the tears in my eyes before anyone caught me crying.

I stepped out into the cool air and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. What an idiot to think I could do that alone.

Groups of boys walked by me, muttering under their breaths thinking I couldn't hear them but my hearing was better than any fucker in this school. I chose to ignore them because I couldn't fight at that moment. I was in the middle of trying to stop a panic attack.

I walked closer to the where I would find my friends but I was having trouble breathing. My mouth went dry and the pain in my chest got worse. My body shook and it felt like I was choking. I dropped to my knees and my stomach churned on me like I was about to be sick. I lifted my shaking hands to wipe my face and my head began to spin and I was worried that the dizziness was going to make me sick.

It felt wrong. It felt like I wasn't part of my body and my heart was about to crack through my ribcage at how fast it was beating. I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut. I almost screamed when a pair of arms wrapped around me.

"It's alright," He whispered, "I got you"

I gripped hold of his shirt as I tried to breeze through my panic attack. He rocked with me and told me everything was going to be ok. I choked out a sob and cried into his shirt, not caring that I probably had wiped snot on him.

I wasn't sure how long my panic attack lasted but when I looked up, Jungkook smiled gently at me.

"It's alright," He said, "They will go. Can you stand?"

I nodded and he helped me to my feet and I looked around at the crowd that had formed.

"If you want to keep staring at her, then I will beat the shit out of you," Jin said walking forward and stood in front of me and Jungkook.

"Why are we still staring?" Namjoon asked joining his friend "Do you want to be sent to an early fucking grave?"

"I'll fucking dig the holes myself," Yoongi said grabbing hold of a boy by his shirt "Huh. You look like the prick that slapped my ass. Shall I re-break that fucking nose for you?"

"Why the fuck are you still staring!" Hoseok shouted and the crowd quickly ran off "Fucking idiots"

"Did you want me to carry you?" Jungkook asked, "Cause I will if you can't"

"I...I'm fine," I whispered and he pinched my cheek "Ow. What was that for?"

"Because I know when you are lying," Jungkook muttered, "I...nothing. I'll talk to you later when there's no one around"

"Babe, are you alright?" Hoseok said, moving Jungkook away from me "What happened?"

"She had a panic attack," Jungkook said.

"Did I fucking ask you?"

"Hey!" I said, punching Hoseok in the arm "Why the fuck are you talking to him like that?"

Hoseok didn't look at me "Because he got to you first and you-"

"Does that give you a fucking reason to talk to him like that? Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Yeah," Jimin said, "She's back to normal"

I tutted "Shut up, Jimin"

"HQ!" Taehyung said crashing into me "I was so worried! I knew someone should have gone with you to the room"

"I can't believe she tricked us," Jimin said, "You told us that you were going for a shit!"

I almost smiled "If I said I was going for a walk, you would have followed"

"You...shit, you have a point," Jimin said, "Hana wants to talk to you"

I sighed and wiped my clammy hands on my jeans "I've just...is that a good idea?"

"Best idea ever," Hana said, behind me and I screamed in fright "Scream all you want bitch, that's the least of your problems"

I rubbed the top of my arm "I'm sorry. I don't think-"

My eyes went wide and I lifted my hand to my cheek. It stung and Hana glared at me, shaking her hand from the slap she just gave me. Holy fuck. The boys had taken a large step back as Hana grabbed hold of my top and yanked me towards her.

"You dumb mother fucker," She snapped "You went to the fucking room, didn't you!"

"N-no,"

"Don't you dare lie to me," She said, "I'm not stupid. You went to the room to see if you could get over that fact that you tried to kill yourself in there"

"Babe," Yoongi said stepping forward "Now isn't-"

"Now's a perfect time," Hana said pushing me. I tripped over my own feet and landed on the floor. I winced as a sharp pain shot up my back "Do you want to know why those empty pill packets are still there? Because every time I went to clear it up I burst into tears and I blamed myself"

I couldn't stop looking at her and I just sat on the floor as she started to cry.

"I blamed myself for you trying to kill yourself," She cried, "You are the only girl who likes me and I thought you could trust me. I blame your attempted suicide on me because I didn't see how much pain you were in. I didn't see the signs that I went through when I tried to kill myself. I should have seen it all but I didn't. I couldn't stop you!"

"Hana, you-"

"Shut up!" She screamed, "You are such a bitch.  I h-hate you s-so much"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and got to my feet. I walked over to her and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and cried into my neck. I closed my eyes as they began to burn with tears and I didn't care that the boys were watching.

"You look and sound crazy right now," I whispered, "Maybe you should start talking like Ami"

"F-fuck off," She cried into my neck "You s-suck so m-much"

I smiled "I can't deny that but Hana?"

"What?"

I pushed her away and put my hands on her shoulders "The only thing I suck is-"

"My dick," Hoseok said and the boys each punched him in the arm "What the fuck! She was going to say that!"