Bucky Barnes Imagines

Stand Up - S.S.

Imagine: You're a stand up comedian.

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"Welcome, welcome," you said to the audience and holding onto the cord of the mic.

The audience cheered and clapped. Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Scarlett Johansson, and Elizabeth Olson are sitting out in the audience.

"So, I'm friends with a few famous people who are friends with REALLY famous people like the Marvel people. So, One of my friends thought it would be a great time to bring some Marvel people backstage," you said pacing on the stage. "WHEN I WAS HAVING A WHO CAN SHOVE THE MOST JUNK FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH CONTEST!"

The audience started laughing.

"I'm very competitive when it comes to contests since I must win. I get very aggressive instead of my shy awkwardness thing that I have going for me," you continued standing center stage and looking out into the audience. "Back to the story, I had a shit load of mike and Ike's in my mouth and I had my best friend shoving more shit into my mouth as I'm laying on a very unstable coffee table and my other friend who didn't even knock! Walks in with the Winter Soldier," you stopped and gave a shocked expression. "That alone would make a person DIE from embarrassment. Gorgeousness. But Black Widow (whom I admire), Captain America, Falcon, and the Scarlet Witch have come into the room where I'm on an unstable. Coffee. Table. With. A. Shitload of candy in my mouth with a bunch of these big beefy dudes also trying to stuff the most shit in their mouths."

The audience starts cracking up and the Marvel cast are dying laughing in their seats.

"The friend who brought these hooligans in stopped dead in her tracks and the room went SILENT!" You said into the mic. "So the reasonable thing to do in front of a bunch of superheroes is... RUN AWAY!" You then sprinted across the stage and got to the left side. You looked out to the audience and put the mic up to your mouth. You whispered, "I ran so fast out of there that I was faster than Quicksilver. I never run in my life but I saw my life flashing through my eyes. I haven't seen them since and I'm pretty sure they're out in the audience. I'm terrified if they come back stage again. I don't know what will happen."

"She's hilarious," Anthony said laughing.

Sebastian was holding onto Chris and Chris was holding onto Sebastian as the two of them are laughing hysterically.

"ANYWAYS! I'm single and not ready to mingle," you said. "You may ask 'why Y/n? Why are you not ready to mingle?' Well, I don't think the guy will be prepared for my dad jokes. I've gotta make sure I can dim them down before going out into THE REAL WORLD! Did I mention that I'm awkward?"

"It's true. I walked into a Starbucks yesterday and it was my turn to order. I usually have a friend order for me cause I just am too awkward. So, I'm like in my mind 'I'm going total white girl and ordering a vanilla frappe in a grande' I kept repeating that to myself while waiting in line. I got to the barista and my order went over my head. Like I'm pretty sure I started sweating so much it looked like I was the wicked witch of the west saying 'I'm melting!' Ya know," you said making your way back to center stage. "I looked around and saw some new fancy coffee that they have and said 'I'll take that.'" You pointed out to the audience as if it was the menu. "They asked me what size. I said 'VENTI!'"

Sebastian is loving the show so much.

"Who the hell picks the biggest size of some coffee you haven't even tried?! But I did! Like a dumbass! I could barely say my name after and the barista probably thought 'this chick is insane' I probably am. I do have ADHD though," you continued. "It's pretty fun at times. It's bad if I'm all hyper. Like watch out. This bitch is crazy." You pointed at yourself and paced the stage. "I one time jumped on a guy's back and licked his face. Yeah. Pretty insane. It's worse when Halloween comes around. I usually dress up in a onesie and look like a five year old at an adult party where there's sexy nurses, sexy zombies, and a dude with a mullet— That was scary. Last year, I wore a dinosaur onesie. Yup, that's what I wore. It was at a rich guy's house and he was a lot more famous than I am or ever will be."

"I didn't have any friends going with me cause they made plans beforehand," you said and got an aww from the audience. "Oh will you not! It only gets sadder! You awed too soon, people!"

"Anyways! I was all alone and I'm the only one looking like a five year old who was forced to go to a Halloween party hosted by their parents friends who are single af or married and never wanna have kids. That was me. I've been to many of those cause my parents took me there until my little brother came out of my mom's hoo-ha and they decided they should spend Halloween with people who ACTUALLY HAVE KIDS!" You said. "Lucky for me, the party I was at had a dog! It was a rat dog but it was a dog nonetheless! So I legit hid in the bathroom with this terrified rat dog. People wanted to get into the bathroom to snort a line! But I PREVENTED IT!"

You chuckled a bit and said, "yeah, I stopped people from snorting a line of cocaine in a dinosaur onesie and with a scared shitless rat dog! This rat dog—."

"You wanna see her backstage?" Scarlett asked Sebastian.

"Yes please," Sebastian said excitedly.

"She's so funny," Chris said holding his hands against his chest.

"Thank you! Good night!" You said taking a bow.

You went off stage and gave your mic to a stage hand. You heard the audience still laughing and clapping. You head straight to your dressing room. Your bff is holding up a unicorn onesie and she's wearing a matching one. Some of your other friends are also wearing onesies. You take the onesie and go into the bathroom to change. You took out shorts from your bag that's in the bathroom and change into them. You take off your shirt. You're left in your bra and the shorts. You take out your contacts and put on your glasses. Then you put your curled hair up into a ponytail and put on the onesie. You put everything into your duffel bag and put on your teal blue high top converse on.

You come out of the bathroom and plopped your duffel bag onto the coffee table.

"Bitch, hide and go seek!" Your bff suggested giving you a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Yasss!" You said excitedly and put them on.

Your friend, Maya, is counting down and everyone runs out of the room. You and your best friend are sprinting down the hallway. Luckily, the audience is out of theater and the Marvel crew is left.

You looked behind you and ran into Sebastian. You two fall and your on top of him.

"Holy shit, I just fell for you," Sebastian said smoothly.

You squealed blushing bright red and ran.