Addicted

41(Colby's POV)

My stomach was churning. I had tried to eat earlier, but threw it right back up.

 Did vampires even get sick? What the hell was going on with me? My subconscious decided to throw the word guilt at me, but I shook it away.

 I had hurt Chloe for a good reason. I lost control with her. I would have bitten her, possibly drained her...definitely drained her, who was I kidding?

I was lucky that I still had a sliver of humanity that let the fear in her voice break through. I was angry at myself for being weak, angry at her for being my breaking point, angry at Sam for letting me bring her up here and trusting me, angry at every fucking body just because I could be.

 It had been 3 days since that had happened. Three days of me staying in my room to avoid the questions that Sam and the others kept trying to throw at me.

Even Devyn had asked why she hadn't come around anymore, stating that she liked her.

"You didn't even talk to her," I snarled at her, avoiding Corey's gaze.

 He was hella protective of her, willing to go against even me.

She shrugged and smiled her sweet smile.

 "Doesn't matter. I like her. I thought she would be around more. She is alive, right?"

 I rolled my eyes, even though she had come very close to death being around me. "Of course, she's alive...but she's not going to be back."

 Not if she wanted to stay alive.

 Devyn was human, and I didn't understand how Corey was so comfortable with her being around us all the time. She knew our secret, but she was so in love with Corey, and he with her, that they were making it work. She was his only source of feeding, unless it was from a blood bag. He never said that she was his One, but who knew? They were hardly ever apart, and seemed so good for each other. It made me sick.

"Yeah, I was wanting to get to know her. I kind of like the way she smarts off at everyone." Tara spoke from her and Jake's spot over on the other couch.

We were hanging out in the living room, since no one was around.

 "Well, she's not coming back so everyone needs to get over it." I said, my voice bearing the authoritative ring to it that came when I laid down the orders.

 If I had to get over her, then they did too, but it seemed like Chloe had left her mark on everyone.

 "Brother" I glanced at Sam, knowing that he was talking to me. "You're not doing well. I can see it. Everyone can see it. Why don't you just try to talk-"

"NO" I barked at him. "Don't you guys get it?! I almost drank from her. I could have killed her! Besides, I don't even know the girl. This whole thing is just stupid. It doesn't make sense."

Corey looked over to me, his brow furrowed. "I drink from Devyn almost every day. I actually get more fulfillment from less of her blood than I would a lot of someone else's. It's weird but true. I don't hurt her, and it's a moment for us to connect."

Oh my God, they were getting on my nerves.

 "I know that Corey, but you and Devin were dating before you turned. Plus she's so fucking in love with you that she doesn't care that you're a monster!"

The lovey dovey look that passed between them just pissed me off.

 "Colby, brother, you know that our emotions are heightened when we're turned. Everything is so much more intense, especially our feelings. You've just shut yours off for so long, that you don't know how to deal with them. Hell, I don't think you even learned how to since you shut them down so soon after turning." Corey replied, hooking his arm around Devyn's waist. "So it doesn't matter how long you've known her. If she's having this effect on you, then it's something. Even if it's just an uncontrollable urge to taste her, there's a reason for that."

I shook my head. "It's more than that. I can't get her out of my head but I feel like I'm just going to fuck up again. I loved Emilie and I killed her. I barely know this girl but I couldn't stand it if something happened to her, especially if I were the one to cause it. What happened with Emilie sent me down a dark path. You guys know that. I can't go through something like that again. It's better to shut it down before it starts." Jake and Elton exchanged looks, while Mike and Kevin just smiled and shook their heads. "What? What the fuck is so funny about that?" I yelled at them.

"You've got it bad brother. She'll be back..or you'll go find her. It's kismet."

I threw an empty blood bag at him that was lying on the couch beside me. Somebody needed to clean up around here.

 "You don't even know what kismet means, dumb ass." I muttered, crossing my arms.

 He just laughed again. Why the fuck was everyone so damn happy all the time?

"Sam...how are you able to control yourself around Kat? I know how you feel about her and that her scent is irresistible to you. So how do you resist? What's stopping you from just taking a taste then wiping her memory?"

 I needed to know. He looked thoughtful for a moment, rubbing his thumb against his lip, his silver rings glinting in the low lamp light.

"I don't know really. I didn't shut my emotions down for one, so I've learned how to control them for the most part. It still gets extremely hard around her. I have to force myself to take breaks away from her sometimes when things get too intense. We still haven't had sex, because I know that I'll feed. I don't want to compel her. I know that Elton had to do that because of what happened with Millie, but I don't want to use it on her."

 I understood that. I didn't really want to compel Chloe either.

"I guess I'm just waiting to see if she'll be able to handle it. I'm thinking of telling her soon though."