A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 20

Ricky POV

I knew this weekend was going to be incredible. After mine and Nini's shower, we cuddled and fell asleep together in complete bliss and we woke up to a call from her moms explaining that they'd be back a day later than expected. Nini and I had two more nights together and I was going to make them perfect. She's everything to me, and as I watch her make breakfast on this beautiful Saturday morning I fall more in love with her. I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her waist, kissing her neck. "Mmm" I hear her mumble as she drops a fork on the counter and wraps her hands around my arms. I pull back and see her eyes closed and I wonder if touches from me send the same electric feeling through her body like her touches do to mine. I smile to myself at the beautiful girl in front of me and I feel her back up into me, like she's trying to get closer to me. If even possible, I move forward, strengthening my arms around her body and burying my head into the crook of her neck, inhaling her vanilla shampoo. "You alright babe?" I ask her. She nods slowly and turns in my arms leaning into my chest. "You just feel safe" she tells me in a sigh. I kiss her forehead and allow her to hold me tighter, my heart pounding. Even when we're not being sexually intimate, just hugging, she still brings out the butterflies in my body. We have two more days alone together, and I'm sure these butterflies won't be going away. Truth be told though, we haven't had sex since our first time. I know that we'll probably reach that level this weekend again, and I'm so anxious but I want Nini to feel this safe, like when she's just in my arms. I know being naked in front of me still scares her, and I'm exceptionally scared to hurt her again when we actually do it. "Ricky?" I hear her say, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You good love?" Her eyes are full of concern but adoration and I smile. "I'm great baby" I tell her softly, swaying our hips and making her giggle. God damnit her smile is so beautiful.

Nini POV

When Ricky and I are together, there's magic. Beautiful magic. Sometimes when I just like to stand in his arms, his strength keeping me close and safe. The warmth from his body radiates into mine and I feel like I'm melting. As we stand together, I think about this weekend that we will have together. I think about what I've been avoiding thinking about. Sex with him. That sounds bad, but it's not. My first time with him was a dream, but we were in such sedated states. The more we do it, the more he might realize I'm not too special. It's not that sex scares me... alright well actually it scares me. It makes me question whether or not I'm enough when I'm laid out in front of him. I try to cover up my scars and I worry about what he sees. It scares me that maybe he'll lose interest. I know it's stupid. I'm not even worried about the pain. I'd take that over and over again if it meant I could be that intimate with Ricky. Just maybe, if he were blind. I mean he's fucking gorgeous. He has a toned stomach and he works out which makes him look incredible. When he's above me, I feel, inferior.

I realize that I've been silent a long time and I look up at Ricky who seems to be lost in thought too. When I pull him out of his thoughts he smiles brightly at me, and I smile back. His grin falters though. "What's wrong Nins?" I look at him cautiously. "You can tell me anything" he whispers to me, leading me over to the couch. He pulls me into his lap and I wrap my arms instinctively around his neck, allowing my thumbs to rub over the base of his neck. I form my question carefully. "Am I enough?" I say in a near whisper. He looks shocked. "What?" He breathes out. "Am-" I start. "No don't repeat it, it's bad enough you said it once" he tells me, gripping my body a little more. "I'm sorry" I begin but he's cut me off again. "What's going on, what's going through your head Nins?" He asks gently but urgently. I tear up slightly, and I don't know why. My emotions feel like they're everywhere and I'm trying to control them. "Hey" Ricky whispers. "I'm scared" I say so quietly I'm not even sure he heard. But he did. Ricky always does. "Talk to me baby." He tells me. "I'm scared that the more you see me the more you won't want to see me, and I'm scared that my scars are hideous and that they're a turn off and I'm scared that I can't keep up with you." I tell him as quickly as I can. "When we have sex?" He says in response. I nod. He lets out a breath, holding my close to him and stabling my shaking body. "God Nini that couldn't be more opposite. The more I see you, the more I want to see you, and feel you! And your scars remind me of when I was falling in love with you all our life, because I was there for every one." He says and he gently pulls down the front of my shirt, to where one of my scars is. He traces it lightly and continues talking. "It's okay to be scared baby, we're learning together and I'm not going further than what you want. That's a promise." I nod slightly at him, my body still shaking from my confession. "I was just worried." I say quietly. "It's okay" he tells me, rocking my body back and forth in his arms. "And I'm going to prove it to you this weekend." He tells me. I look into his eyes and fear must be prominent because he tells me next, "no baby, it's just me. And the girl sitting in front of me, she's the most beautiful girl in the world and the only one for me." I rest my cheek against his, and he tells me "this weekend, I'm going to show you how special you are. How gorgeous you are and just exactly what you do to me." I pull back and smile, my first genuine smile since our deep conversation started. I press my lips against his, and he opens my mouth, deepening the kiss and pressing his body against mine. He pulls back and I run my hands through his curls. "When we do it," he starts. "When we do it, I want you to focus on this." He tells me. His hands move from my cheeks, down to my breasts and I shiver noticeably. He hides a smirk, and moves his hands down my stomach and directly from my center, to my inner thighs. He takes my hands and places them on his chest. "You focus on me baby, me and you together. You don't need to worry about what you look like with me because I can guarantee you you're fucking gorgeous always." I smile shyly and hide my face in his neck, while his fingertips rub over my back. In a heart beat, I start sucking on his neck slightly and he jolts. "Oh we're starting this now are we?" He says chuckling. "Wha-" I say but he's already flipped me over, hovering on top of me. Even though I knew we wouldn't do it on the couch, I still felt so safe under him. A new feeling that I adored.

We never truly got our breakfast.