A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 39

Ricky POV

Nini and I spent the rest of our Saturday together. She never left my side, and she was constantly watching out for me in case I slipped too far into my thoughts. We laid around and watched movies, and at 8, Nini told me that she had to go home for dinner. I told her I'd walk her home, but I could tell in her eyes that she was worried about leaving me. To be honest, I was worried about her leaving me. She was there all day to give me slight touches of reality, making me feel like I was grounded in some sort of way. When she leaves tonight, as stupid as it might sound, I worry that I'm going to fuck up and send myself into a panic with my screwed up thoughts. It's not that I'm attached to her, I just feel like if I'm alone at all right now I can scare the shit out of myself. However, Nini has to go home and I have to make sure I'm okay on my own.

When we get to her house she pulls me up onto her doorstep and cups my cheeks with her hands. "You'll be okay, just keep your thoughts on good things baby. I know it's hard but you have to try." I just nod, completely mute by the comfort she provides so effortlessly. "I'm one call away." She leans into kiss me but the front door swings open, making us jump back. "Jesus, mom you HAVE to stop doing that." Nini says, blushing and turning to look at Carol. She laughs. "So sorry kids, I just thought I heard something out here. Oh, Ricky dear, do you want to join us for dinner?" "Yes!" I say immediately, my hand flying into Nini's and relief flooding through me as I realize I get more time with the woman who makes my world a little less scary.

Eating dinner with Nini's family was an incredible comfort and distraction. Nini's hand never leaves my leg, and I feel comfortable the entire time. That is, until Dana asks how my mom is. I choke on my drink and I feel tense and the lump in my throat starts to grow. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking." Dana says, trying to back track. Both of Nini's hands find my thigh and she looks right into my eyes. I'm trying to control my emotions, but I'm fighting the thoughts of no more family dinners or family events. One single tear escapes, and Nini's hand reaches up to catch it. I don't want to cry in front of her moms, but hell, they've seen me cry before and I let a few more tears slip, my eyes focused on my lap. "Living room?" I hear Nini say. I'm grateful and I reach out to take her hand, and we head in to her living room, sitting onto the couch. Her warm body engulfs mime. I sigh into her but I burry my face in her neck as her hands move up and down my back. "You've got this." Nini says. "I don't see how Nins, I'm breaking down every ten seconds." I tell her, ashamed. "This shit is hard babe! And you won't get through it over night. But you've got this because you're already doing better than you think." She says to me. I don't want to protest so I just nod, but as her hold on me tightens I realize how much this girl believes in me. She pulls back from our embrace and wipes my tears. She frowns, but then takes a deep breath kissing my eyelids. My eyelids flutter shut and I feel myself calming down. Nini pulls back and looks past me, taking note that her moms just walked into the room. I turn and look at them too. "Oh Ricky." Dana says, holding out her arms. I get up and walk over to her, giving her a big hug. Carol wants one too, and as I hug her I realize how supported I am. "Rick do you want to spend the night here? We can set you up on the couch." I'm pretty sure the relief in my eyes says enough but I gush "yes, please thank you." Carol nods. I feel the need to explain so I start to say, "It's just, my house is a little weird right now-" but I'm cut off. "Hon you don't have to explain a thing. You're always welcome here." I look around the room at all the of the support I have and I feel overjoyed and safe. I simply nod. Dana says that she'll call my dad.

After Dana and Carol set up my makeshift bed they declare that they're heading to bed. I watch as Nini hugs her moms and another wave of sadness washes over me but I don't truly get to revel in it because Nini comes over and sits by me on the couch. "How are you love?" She asks quietly. I smile at her softly and she returns it, brushing back my hair and leaning forward to rest on my chest. I breathe out and allow myself to relax. When she pulls back she leans up and hesitantly presses her mouth against mine. A fire is lit, after all this time with Nini and our kisses are still pure passion. Her arms wrap around me and she holds me closer as our mouths move together. My hands come up to cup her cheek and her hair and she sinks further into me. I smile against her lips and she pulls back. "You're literally just my constant state of relaxation." I tell her honestly. She smiles. "Lay down" she says. I'm confused but I do as she says, as she gets off the couch and sit on the floor. "What are you-" Nini just smiles and places the blanket over me. "Just try this" she says. I nod. "Close your eyes Ricky." I allow myself to close my eyes and I feel her hand rub over my hair. One hand is caressing my cheek and the other is massaging my scalp. Her hands are so gentle as they work across my face and my hair and I feel myself starting to drift off. The last thing I'm conscious of is a confession of love, and a light kiss to my temple.

I wake up in the middle of the night and I check the time. It's 2:15 and I'm sure that Nini is asleep up in her room. Memories of her calming way of relaxing me are coming back and I smile thinking about how lucky I am to have her. I feel loved with her whereas I don't feel loved in my home. My home. Thoughts come rushing back and I squeeze my eyes shut, attempting to think about anything else. I know I have to face the thoughts, but not right now and not by myself. I think of everything else. I think of mine and Nini's first kiss, our first time being intimate, I think back to starting high school and winning a skate competition. My thoughts go on for 20 minutes but my broken family and my mom and Todd keep penetrating my mind and I know my only elixir is upstairs. Quietly, I climb off the couch and walk to Nini's room. I knock gently on the door. I don't want to wake the house but I don't want to just assume that I'm welcome. I knock again. The door opens quietly and I'm faced with Nini, wrapped up in my sweatshirt and adorable pj pants. Her hair is a mess and her eyes are squinty. "Ricky?" She whispers. "Are you okay?" Concern starts to wake her up. "I'm sorry to wake you." I say ashamed. Her hand reaches out for mine. "My brain just won't shut off." Nini nods and pulls me into her room, shutting the door and bringing me into her bed. Wordlessly she covers me with her comforter and gets into bed, scooting us as closely as we can. My arms wrap around her waist instinctively and she strains her head back to kiss my jaw. "Goodnight my baby." She says quietly. I snuggle into the back of her neck and my thoughts run for a moment but then I'm consumed by Nini. I forget everything but how she breathes, and what she smells like and how her body is wrapped around mine. I fall asleep calm.