A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 96

Nini POV

"Stop holding it all in." Ricky tells me firmly. His hands come around to grab my wrists and he holds them gently as he looks me in the eye. "I'm not" I say but my voice breaks and he tilts his head at me. "Nini" he says firmly and he pulls me by my waist so that I'm closer to him. His earnest eyes start to crack away at my protection and I can tell he's not letting me go easily. "Ricky" I say and for some reason I'm just trying to avoid talking. "Nini, you cannot possibly tell me that you are not literally holding every emotion possible in that small body of yours." He tells me and I smile a little bit in response. "Wanna make it up to me for keeping the Jason thing from me?" I eye him carefully. "Maybe..." I say and he smiles brightly. "Then talk to me baby." I sigh and look away. "I've already had one mental breakdown today, with Kourtney." He smiles softly. "That's okay you don't have to breakdown, just talk to me." I sigh heavily. "But if I talk then I'll cry and then you'll have to deal with-" He cuts me off and brings his hands to my shoulders. "Baby, stop stalling." He says laughing and I smile a little. "I'm fine, really. I'm just... there's a lot going on and with the wedding last weekend it was just easier to push it all down. There's just a lot of stress." I admit quietly. Ricky only nods and I take the opportunity to keep talking. "I mean it felt like I was going through everything you were... I seriously broke down talking to your mom in that damn bathroom." Ricky looks at me confused. "Woah, what?" I lower my shoulders and sigh. "Your mom thought I was a bad influence on you when you left the table at the brunch on Saturday. When I went to the bathroom she confronted me and I got really worked up and I started crying and it was a wakeup call for her I guess." Ricky's eyes are wide and he pulls me against his front. "Oh my god Nini, this is a shit ton of stress and anxiety to deal with by yourself. How come you didn't tell me?" I shrug and the tears start to come to my eyes. "You were already so on the edge and I just couldn't tell you." He nods and I feel his hand come to the back of my neck, stroking it calmly. "I'm not on the edge now." He says simply and I think about the stressful weekend and the difficult emotional battles I've been fighting. I start to feel the burning in my throat, the unmistakable feeling of the tears coming on and I know Ricky can tell he's breaking me. "Come here" Ricky says and he brings his arms around me in a tight hug. "Stop fighting it Nins." He tells me softly and I finally break, digging my face into his shoulder and crying into his hoodie. "There you go." He says quietly and he rubs my back soothingly as I cry. For the second time today, I break down from stress and an overwhelming amount of emotions. Ricky doesn't talk, he just rubs my back as I grip onto the back of his hoodie and let myself feel everything I was trying so hard to push away. "Contrary to popular belief, this is healthy." I hear him whisper in my ear and I laugh through my tears. "You know, I think the last time I saw you like this was after the winter musical." He whispers again and I pull back, sniffling. "What can I say, I don't feel." He laughs beautifully and his arms tighten around me. "You wish babe. This heart feels everything." He says and he presses his hand against my chest. "Please don't hold this shit in anymore." He tells me softly and I nod. "I just get worried sometimes about being annoying." I laugh a little and wipe at my tears. "You're not annoying baby. I can promise you that I want to be here to make sure you're okay. Remember this?" He says with a smile, pulling out the promise ring from underneath my shirt. I smile and lean against his chest, his hands moving back to my shoulders, rubbing calmingly. "I'm sorry for not telling you about Jason." I admit quietly against him and he pulls me back to look at him. "Water under the bridge, now." He whispers and the tears start to come again as I think about how much I don't deserve him. "Talk to me." He says as he rubs my back and I pull back, wiping at my face. "I just don't deserve you." I say and he shakes his head, pressing our foreheads together. "Nah, none of that self deprecating behavior." He says and I laugh again looking into his eyes. "I love you." I tell him and his eyes sparkle. "I love you too Nini. Nothing is going to change that." I press our noses together and for a second we're content. "Now is there anything else I need to know about?" Ricky asks softly and I think for a second before shaking my head. "Two mental breakdowns in a day seemed to get it all out." I say and he smiles. I push his curls back before threading my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes involuntarily and we sit together for a second before he speaks up. "It's early, love. Do you want to run and get coffee?" I check the time and nod, moving to get up.

When I stand up, I stand straight up because that feeling is there. "Shit" I mumble and Ricky looks at me. "You good?" He asks and I make a face. "I think I just started my period." I admit shyly and he nods. "Okay, what do you need?" I rub the back of my neck. "To go home." I say with a little laugh and he smiles, grabbing my hand and practically dragging me to the car to get me home. I guess I could thank the lord that I wasn't pregnant, but part of me dreaded knowing the first full day of my period at school tomorrow would be hell.