A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 95

Ricky POV

The silence in the car is peaceful, not exactly tense, as we drive to the park. After I saw Nini crying with Kourtney I just knew that something was bothering her and it was worth going easy on her. Even knowing the fact that she didn't tell me about Jason, when I saw her breaking down outside it sorta hit me how much she had been holding from everyone. Had EJ not been on the phone with her, she might not have told anyone about what happened. She's always so busy making sure other people are okay and that kinda sums up the weekend in Chicago perfectly.

Nini POV

When Ricky and I get to the park, I get out of the car and lead the way to our normal spot on the grass. He sits down across from me and he looks at me, clearly waiting for me to be the first person to talk. "So... I" I start to say and I frantically rush to get all of my thoughts together. The anxiety was starting to build up again and I was playing with my hands to calm my stress. Ricky moves closer to me, grabbing my hands and holding them in his. "Take your time." He says and even as he waits for me to talk his caring demeanor comes through. "EJ told me... well he told me that he told you..." My words are starting to get jumbled and I get slightly annoyed, pulling one of my hands from his and pushing back my hair as a nervous habit. Ricky doesn't say anything though, he just grabs my hand back and waits for me to talk. "When you went to Starbucks, EJ called me because he was having a problem with Gina. I went down that fancy hallway thing at the hotel? Well after that, Jason came out and he obviously saw me and he tried to get all close to me and stuff. Your mom basically came to the rescue because she found my purse and was coming after us, but she saw you crossing the street without me and put two and two together." Ricky nods slowly and his thumb moves across my thumb. "I asked EJ to stay on the phone with me, just in case something happened." Ricky looks up at the sky and down at me, scooting even closer to my body. Tilting my chin up, he clears his throat. "First thing's first. Are you okay? Did he touch you?" He asks, ducking his head to make eye contact. I look into his eyes. "I'm okay. It was no big deal. I mean he tried to be all touchy but your mom basically-" I cut myself off and he nods. "Second then, why didn't you tell me Nins?" He breathes out and he brings his hand to my jaw so that I can't look away. I shrug helplessly, and my eyes flit away from his. "I've never seen you under that type of emotional stress and that's not some type of deflecting excuse, it's true. And on top of that, I'm just tired of telling people stuff that's basically information they already know. Like we get it already, guys inappropriately hit on me and I'm helpless in the situation until someone comes and bails me out." I say and both of Ricky's hands come up to my cheek and it forces me to look him in the eyes. "That's not true Nini. That's not even close to true. I want to hear it all." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "But you were having a hard time, and I'm not just trying to make this about me." I say and he nods. "You're too selfless. Nini, if we're going to do this whole life thing together, it goes both ways babe. You don't just get to withhold all your feelings and all the hardship you're going through just because you think it's best." He tells me, the entire time his thumbs running over my cheek bones gently as he talks. "Remember when everything happened with Natalie?" I nod and I start to replay the memories in my head. "While this is different, you still owe me the same type of transparency." I breathe out, knowing how right he is. "You can't begin to tell me that you were in a place to hear that happening to me though. That's probably the exact opposite of what you needed to hear. We had JUST gotten through the day." I tell him and he thinks for a second. "You would've wanted to hear about Natalie at the time? I get that this is different, what happened to you was involuntary but we need to be able to easily talk to each other in the hard times." I look off into the distance. I know how right he is. "You're right." I tell him quietly and he nods. "And hearing about something happening to my girlfriend, from EJ of all people?" I look down at the grass and back up at him. "Your ex." He jokes, pushing my shoulder playfully, trying to lighten the mood. I try to smile but I know it doesn't come through. I rub the skin by his wrist gently and we sit in silence for a second as I think through everything he has said.

"One more thing" Ricky tells me and I meet his eyes again, waiting for him to talk. "You just basically told me that you think your problems and your feelings are a burden?" I shake my head and shrug but I can't really respond. "My first thought when I heard about this happening to you... I thought you didn't trust me enough to tell me about it. But I don't think that's the case Nins." I bring my hands up to my eyes, rubbing in annoyance. I know where he's going with this and I honestly don't want him to dig too deep and turn this entire thing on me. I screwed up, ME, not him, and I'm filled with an overwhelming amount of guilt as he indirectly tries to comfort me. "Hey" he says, pulling my hands away from my face. "I just feel like I'm screwing everything up. I did this. I didn't mean to keep this from you." I say and he shakes his head. "You're not screwing anything up Nini. You're HUMAN." He emphasizes. "But that doesn't mean you don't share some of this stuff with me. I deserve to know, I deserve to balance this out like you do for me." He says firmly, but his voice holds that caring feeling to it and I nod. "I know you do. Trust me, I just wanted it to go away." Ricky nods like he understands. "It also can't hurt to talk about it. Can I be honest?" I nod hesitantly. "It feels like you're breaking, just a little, with keeping everything inside." He tells me softly as if he's worried about overstepping a boundary. Deep down though I know he's right and the emotion comes flooding back as I finally feel all the emotion from the past couple weeks on me. Taking care of Ricky, dealing with his family and still trying to maintain friendships at home, being a regular high school student and having regular family responsibilities. It was just all starting to crush me a little bit and I see my hands start to shake.