A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 37

Ricky POV

My dad was taking us to the bowling alley for lunch. I just knew in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't good. We entered a restaurant that was built in to the bowling alley, and it sorta looked like a karaoke club. "GIRLS NIGHT WAS HERE." Nini says excitedly, trying to break the tension that was running through the group. I laugh and take her hand, squeezing gently. We all sit at a table and my dad places the order. I can tell Nini's nervous from the way she sits tensed up, and my dad is taking a deep breath. "So ricky." He starts. Immediately, Nini's hand flies to mine and she holds on to it for dear life. "There's no way I can beat around the bush. Your mom and Todd, they want full custody of you." What? My mom wants what? I feel like I'm under water and the only thing keeping me afloat is the pressure of Nini's hand. "They think, that your behavior last night was the result of me brainwashing you against her and her new relationship and they don't think that we can live as two families." I want to scream, I want to yell and cry and leave my body that seems to be constantly tied to all of this misery. "The question is, what do you want? We can fight because the court rules in favor of the kid usually. Restraining orders, custody battles, we can do any of that if that's what you want." My hands are shaking and my breathing is getting heavy. All I can do is nod and say. "No I don't want to live with her." I see my dad nod and let out a breath that he's holding, as if I'd say I want to move in with her and Todd. As for me, all I keep picturing is my mother taking me away from everything I know. All I keep hearing is Todd's voice in my head telling me he's my new father. All I can feel are the emotions of being told I might have a new sibling one day. I can't take it, and suddenly this karaoke club is way too small. It's getting harder and harder to breathe and seeing is downright impossible because of the tears threatening to spill over. I HATE being this weak and I hate having everyone see me like this but I can't stop anything. I hear a chair squeak as I stare at the table, trying to fill my lungs with air. All of a sudden, hands are on my shoulders and I see Nini bending down to look into my eyes. "Ricky?" She says but I can't answer. I want to tell her, this is what a panic attack feels like! But I can't get the words out and she's getting nervous. "Ricky? Baby answer me." I can't though, and she pulls me out of my chair, guiding me out of the karaoke club and from what I can tell, she's brought us to an alley way behind the restaurant. Everything is a blur and I can't breathe, my world feels like it's spinning and I just keep hearing my mother and Todd. She sits me up against the wall and neals in front of me. Her hands cup my chin and she stares into my eyes."Breathe. Baby breathe with me." I look into her eyes, as if I'm snapped to attention and I shake my head lightly. "No. No come on match your breathing to mine. In and out slowly Ricky." Her hand comes up to my heart and she feels the pounding, and I try for her. We breathe in together, and out together and back in and then out. My eyes never leave hers and I'm finally able to get some air into my lungs. My heart rate slows and she studies me, her hands remaining on my face. "You're okay, I'm right here." She says and I let a few tears slip. Her thumbs catch them, wiping the away. "Not on my watch." She whispers. "What happened? What were you thinking in there?" She asks me. "I... I- nothing." I say to her, scared she'll think I'm stupid for my irrational thought. She frowns. "You and I both know your mind is your worst enemy. Talk to me Ricky." She says softly as her thumbs caress my cheeks. Her caring demeanor prompts more tears and I cave, telling her everything I was thinking. I rant, not even sure it makes sense, but getting everything out feels so good. Her fingers move to rake through my hair and she brushes it back from my forehead while i talk. "Well, that panic attack makes sense." She says after I finish. "That's a hell of a lot to feel in like a minute." She says sadly. She sits up against the wall and pulls me to her, my head resting on her neck. Her hands rub up and down my arms and I feel at peace for the first time since entering the bowling alley. "You're staying here, with your dad and me and all of East high" she says. Her words are kind and no matter how long we're together I don't think I could ever get used to the fact that there's never any judgment in her voice. I move my head into her neck and inhale her vanilla scent, closing my eyes and allowing myself to calm down. Her hands keep trailing across my body soothingly. "You're okay." She keeps reminding me every once in a while. After a few minutes I ask her where my dad is. "He's inside still, he trusted me to handle this." I nod against her. "thank you for being here and for helping me through that." I mumble slightly embarrassed. "Any. Damn. Time." She says, her fingers moving back to my hair as she moves our faces together. "But if you stop breathing on me again and shake your head no when I ask you to breathe you'll have another thing coming for you." I laugh and kiss her neck. "I'm sorry." I say still chuckling lightly. "Don't ever apologize." She says quietly, her fingers still moving soothingly, the little movements piecing my heart back together and protecting me in every way.