A light || Ricky and Nini

Chapter 64

Nini POV

Ricky stares at me, his mouth opening and closing as if he wants to say something. "Nini... I" he tries to say and I try to stop the tears that are welling up in my eyes. "Ricky, why the hell didn't you tell me what really happened?" I demand, my voice getting louder and breaking as he just stands their guiltily. "You said 'We can be nice without touching'. You knew EXACTLY what you did." I quote him and his facial expression looks hurt and helpless. "Nins..." He says reaching forward for my hand. I jerk it away and glare at him. "We don't need to touch" I say and he looks heartbroken but it doesn't make me back down. "Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Me." I demand again and he his eyes get glassy. "I don't know!" He says loudly and he throws his hands up in the air. "When you realized I didn't know everything, why the hell wouldn't you tell me?" I ask even louder and he glares at me. "Do you really think I'd tell my HURT girlfriend that yes, I was holding hands with another girl and she put her head next to mine?" He yells at me and I take a step back, trying to get as far away from him as I can. "You're right, it's better for me to not know and embarrass myself in front of my friends who thought I already knew about your behavior." I say back with malice, angry tears running down my face. I lean against the couch to get my weight off of my ankle but I move away again as Ricky comes closer to me. "I didn't mean... I thought it was past us Nini. Yes, I jumped at the chance for you to be ignorant about something. How does that change the situation?" I look up at him, completely confused. "Nini. Baby please listen to me." He says, his voice demanding but softer than his yelling. I shake my head and continue to back away from him, almost in complete disgust. Then I remember what Kourtney and Gina had said about listening to him. I didn't want to listen, it was already painfully enough. The fact that he knew exactly what he was doing was disgusting and I didn't want to hear it. But I realize that just this morning I had forgiven him for only part of the story. Was the rest as bad? I decided to listen but I just can't be close to him. "Please, stop Nini you're going to hurt yourself." He says referring to my walking and I choke back a sob. "Nothing compared to the pain I feel in my chest." I say and he looks completely broken. "Please can I explain? Please Nini" he begs and I want to say no. He rushes towards me and grabs my hands and I pull back and shake my head. "Don't touch me. But you have 5 minutes to explain." The color returns to his face and he wipes at his tears, moving to sit on the couch.

"Okay, baby please stay with me while I explain." I keep my facial expression frozen and I wait for him to talk. "Natalie saw me sitting in the waiting area. I had my head in my hands and she recognized me by my hair, I guess? She came over and sat down and tried to get me to talk. When I wouldn't she started talking about her issues and that kind of brought me up out of my state because I realized how much worse your situation could've been." He's rambling and I'm trying to fight the urge to walk away from the explanation. "Nini, she just kept going and going and she started to cry. She took MY hand and I didn't know how to take it away without being rude. Then I started to sorta zone out and I imagined that it was you, that you were there with me and that you were okay so I leaned my head up against hers. It was horrible and I knew how bad it was the second I did it because I pulled right away. Gina and Ashlyn had already seen me at that point and I don't know." Tears are flowing freely down my face as I try not to imagine the two sitting together. "I can't, I just can't" I try to get out and Ricky gets up and rushes over to me. "Come on Nini, you can. You said you'd let me be better for you." I don't meet his eyes and I shake my head thinking over everything he has said. "What did you mean when you asked how this changes the situation?" I ask with slight aggression in my voice. "This morning you thought you knew everything and you forgave me. You were going to give me a chance to prove to you that I won't be flirting or touching any other girls." I nod. "Yeah and?" He breathes out. "This new information, does this change our situation? Are you not... are you maybe thinking that you don't want to give me that chance?" His voice is quiet and pleading and desperate. My mind moves a mile a minute and Ricky is clenching the bottom of his sweatshirt as he waits for my response. "No." His voice gets caught in his throat. "No?" he asks desperately and I rephrase. "No I mean, we're not finished. We didn't go through 10 years to break up over this. But I don't really want to talk to you right now." I say and his facial expression turns relieved. "Nini if I leave, will you promise you won't change your mind?" I look skeptical and I wipe at my tears. "I don't... fine whatever" I say and he grabs for my hands. "No. I'm not leaving for a 'whatever' I'm staying until I know the second you retreat into your head you won't call this relationship off." I sigh and take my hands away from his again. "There's a guest room. Knock yourself out." I say and I hop away from him, up the stairs and into my bedroom.