De-Bugging Another World

A quick Update

I will resume releasing chapters again, last Tuesday I released the first chapter again on Patreon, meaning the first one on Wattpad will land next week. I do need to stress that several factors I spoke about in the recent Call to Action chapters are not entirely over, one of them being medications which I will explain in a moment, so please read this all the way to the end.

First and foremost, I will not push myself as I did before this break, so there will from now on, for a long time be a chance I might end up not having a chapter ready in time and thus having to skip that release. I will not apologize for prioritizing my own mental health above my releases and am very grateful for all the support and understanding you showed when I released those Call to Action chapters.

Now, for a bit more background into what had partially from my past led to the massive breakdown I had that left me to realize (with a few pointers from my gf) that I needed a break and was pushing myself way too much.

Having mental issues within a mild form of autism I have spent a long time already (about half my life so far at 27 y.o.) getting help from mental health institutes here in Holland. Almost just as long (only three years less) I have been forced to take medications by my stepmother who had her own issues and thus could not handle me.

On top of that, she has a habit of deciding what others should do and how they do it, no discussion possible. For some time, she had been my curator out of protection which she guilt-tripped me into when she was the one for years on end already pushing my buttons and driving me into corners just so she could get a handle on me.

Obviously, with me being someone who fiercely rejects any form of being pushed around and others deciding what I should do, that did not work in her favor and I rather frequently wound up going into a blind rage directed at her, which she labeled as me being psychotic (do note that she tends to take dictionary descriptions and apply those to anything she runs into and did the same with this). On top of that, under her 'guidance' of my treatment, she pushed anti-psychotics onto me since the institution I was getting help from tends to listen more to parents than the actual client which wound up with me having very few within my treatment who actually stood by my side and supported me simply because my stepmother tended to overrule anything I said or simply twist the truth of what she had said into a lie that benefitted her. (I have a habit of calling her a parasitic control freak for a reason)

About the time when I got into my current relationship (which in part came off the ground since I told her I was going to court soon to change my curator from my stepmother to an external company that would do me more good seeing with my, back then, current curator nothing was possible and everything wound up as a verbal fight that could equal almost any major war since me and her were like oil and fire) I changed curators to the one I have at the moment and once again, my stepmother did nothing but slander me to him and pushed several ideas on him that she found would be of benefit to me. (only they aren't because those are things that simply don't work for me, but since she believes she know EVERYTHING better, she felt the need to push it onto him) luckily for me, he did tell her he would see how things turned out and soon found those claims she had made to be false.

Now onto the current thing which led to a rapid mental collapse for me with all this being a major part of what led up to that collapse.

Recently, since changing curators, my parents dropped me like a brick, mainly because my stepmother couldn't handle the fact I hate her guts and told me that if I didn't let her be my curator she would have nothing to do with me. (At this point, she has forced my father and siblings to block me on Whatsapp and has blocked me herself as well.) since I won that court case that she was unfit to be my curator (to the point she had the judge telling her that if communication between client and curator was not possible the curatorship could not function as it should) and my life has drastically improved.

I now have a team surrounding me at the mental health institute that's actually listening to me and I have harshly told them to REJECT all the lies they had in their documentation of me that my stepmother told them, which really helped steer my treatment for the better now that all that is gone.

But here is the part that wound up causing a mental collapse with those forced anti-psychotics, those kinds of medication heavily suppress any and all emotions and those that don't end up being suppressed are heavily amplified, which in my case only happened with anger (which is why I would frequently explode to the point of just barely keeping myself from physically attacking my stepmother.)

Recently, about half a year ago, I was able to quit one of the two anti-psychotics I had forced onto me, since all they did for me was being a very unhealthy sleeping aid.

Then, six weeks ago, I had a meeting with all the people at the institution who were working with me and my curator and I convinced them I should get rid of the last, remaining medication.

Seeing I had an appointment with their new psychiatrist after that talk, I had not yet heard the confirmation, but most did stand beside me since I was working on several traumas that had been mostly suppressed by the lack of active emotions and they all agreed to the fact that stopping those last medications could really help my treatment.

That meeting was also where my curator confirmed for both me and the people helping me, that all the doomsaying my stepmother had been doing was nothing but glorified lies and fear on her end with absolutely zero basis in reality and that curatorship was too harsh of a measure for me, with that, he also agreed to reduce it this year to the lesser of the legal financial support systems (sorry, can't get the English version of it, for those dutchies among you, he's going file with court to reduce it to being my 'bewindvoering'.

Then when I had the talk with the new psychiatrist, I found two hilarious details after he looked over everything;

ONE, I had been taking those medications I had at that time for far too long, about 3 years longer than you are allowed.

And worse, TWO, I never needed them in the first place since my stepmother had forced a misdiagnosis that she felt was in her favor. Seeing all the statements in their information about me and my past treatment about me having psychotic tendencies were coming from her and no-one else confirmed them, he felt that since I had not had a single one of the episodes she kept describing since I broke contact with my parents, there was no risk of psychosis since anyone with the right, or more, wrong amount of pressure, triggers and stress can get a psychosis, meaning I had been forced to take medications I never should have taken in the first place.

For the past six weeks, I have been taking half the doses of that last medication and last Tuesday I had the meeting with the psychiatrist to see if fully quitting them now was an option, which was confirmed and that means I am now fully off any and all medications... FINALLY.

However, this does mean I need to remain taking it easy with pressure for some time since I now have the 'fight' with all those years of medicinally suppressed emotions to deal with seeing I have had those pushed aside by medications for so long I never learnt to deal with them, which is no easy thing to need to relearn at age 27.

Additionally, we are going to attempt to stop smoking since life is too damn expensive when you live off social security and smoke, so that means even more stress and trouble coming up.

With all that together, I will do my best to release my chapters with the frequency you are all used to from me, but I can't make any promises all of them will make their deadline. This means I might have two or three weeks where I don't miss a single one, and then suddenly a week where I am struggling a lot mentally and miss all chapters.

Being the writer I am and how much I love writing my stories, I need to think about my health first and foremost, so if anything comes up that might keep me from finishing a chapter in time, I will, unfortunately have to skip it.

I am very grateful to all of you who made it to the end of this long ass post and all the support I have recently seen since I revealed the mental stress and trouble I am dealing with.

I really hope this will be the last time I have to release a chapter like this, but you never know, since for me and my gf life tends to smack us in the face every time we think we're getting over the last hurdle we struggled with, but that's life, more shit than it sometimes is worth, and yet you keep on fighting, struggling and making your way forward.