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"I need some boxers and bras" ivy says as I was doing my assignments. She was still on Amazon on my phone but I didn't care. Every once ina while she'd help me with something or blurt out stuff.
"Boxers V"
"Yes but cartoon ones. I think it's cute they make girls asses look bigger and I don't really have nothing else going on"
"What cartoon"
"Let's get matching sponge bob ones with matching slippers"
"You want to match so bad for someone that don't know if they want a relationship or not" I shook my head. I didn't realize until after I said it I probably shouldn't of said it. She just went quiet scrolling on the phone before she sat it down and I felt her stare at me.
"I just feel like everything is going good and it's going to go wrong. Stokeley im not even scared about you cheating. I can handle cheating... maybe just— I'm so emotionally attached to you at this point I feel like if become obsessed. I love being around you and getting to know new stuff about you. I know you being who you are, no matter how bad you try to ignore Miarah she'll creep back in your life like she has several times. That's what I'm afraid of" She said making me look at her.
"You scared I'll go back to her"
"No. The bond yall made is one where you'll help her regardless the shit she does. So we get together and she calls you crying about her daughter or something and you'll answer then she's coming at me again. I'm tired of her fucking bothering me over you like I stole you. I didn't ask or make you be with me. I don't say shit wrong to her, I have but you don't know how fucking bad the shit she says to me is. Stokeley—" she said and her voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears but she wiped them before any fell.
"Ivy—"
"It- I know it's not your fault I'm not blaming you but I wanted everything out in the open. Stokeley Im scared, I've seen you get mad and the first thing I think is to back up or apologize so I don't get hit. Month of him grabbing me up and then making me feel like it's all my fucking fault. I had to do shit I would never be comfortable just because he knew how to sweet talk me into to everything. Just being toyed around with like a damn toy. I- You're not him but In the back of my mind I feel like I'm being played. Like one day it'll all come flying back in in my face to haunt me. I feel so fucking useless and like a bystander to everyone. I love the attention and the fact that you're around because it makes me feel like someone cares. I have so little people to go to and they're far out that I have to deal with the shit by myself. Then when I snap I'm being a bitch and somethings wrong and no one likes me— I don't want to keep getting hurt. I feel like the moment we put a label on us I can't just back out and pretend like I'm not fazed. " she said crying a little.
She wasn't even looking at me anymore just talking. She said so much I don't even know what to speak on anymore. I don't even know what I'd say to any of it. It made me feel like I'm doing her wrong. I know we never had a perfect relationship ,but I don't make shit easy for her either.
"I'm sorry—" she wiped her eyes going to talk again but I cut her off.
"Stop apologizing for your feelings. You're not alone. You should of been told me this. Or you have that friend back home or Ivan"
"She doesn't even answer me anymore. As much as I love Ivan he's still my brother there's some thing I can't just tell him"
"Okay but you could of came to me with it. You just trying to act like your fine and letting it eat at your head isn't going to do us any good"
"Stokeley you have Big ass fucking sex drive. You also are very blunt, and rude when we talk. Half the time you'll be so into whatever else your doing that I don't even think you realize some of the shit you say to me. Then on top of it I feel like I have to compete with every other female and I can't. They win" she said.
"There's no one to complete with V wh—"
"Stokeley ive seen the messages you've sent to some of the girls. I've seen th— look at Melody. Their body's and —I"
"Why are you comparing yourself to other people, you not them"
"Because I'm human Stokeley. Every girl does it even when we try not to. I'm just scared. There is so many things that can go wrong and I know good outweighs bad but if everything has gone bad for me it's hard to not be pessimistic about a relationship"
"Ivy this is shit you come to me with not just keeping it to yourself. We supposed to be best friends. I'm around you all the fucking time and yet you don't tell me shit."
"I mean, it's fine" she laughed and wiped her eyes.
"No it's not"
"I am fine Stokeley, I promise. Just a little hurt" she said giving me a smile that looked like she was happy but you can't say some shit like that and be happy.
"Ivy"
"I'm fine Stokeley. I trust you" she said before getting up. She kissed my head and went to the bathroom. I was just sitting there trying to figure out what I even say to that.
"V I'm sorry"
"You didn't do anything" she said after peeing and washing her hands. She opened the door and got back on my bed.
"Ivy"
"What happened to I'm still calling you that blah blah. Or no her nickname is bunny" she said attempting to sound like me.
"You really asking me to call you babe" I asked and she shrugged.
"Finished your assignments so you come to bed" she said putting my phone down.
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This chapter was needed slightly but I'm sleepy so good night
AHope you enjoyed the chapter. Vote and acomment. Ignore mistakes not proofread. Add to your library. Give feedback. Also no question I'm falling asleep:) yay rawd
