Keep This Secret | The Slump God

⚠︎︎8.8

This is a re-upload. It's nothing too new for those that read the chapter yesterday. Just slight changes at the end. Feel free to re-read though it's longer than before.

Also QOTN: what color are your socks? What color is your bedroom walls?

I been in my room maybe ten minutes and I'm pissed with myself. I know I was in the wrong and I know it's not her fault. I understand her being cautious about us meaning her last nigga was beating on her, but I'm not him. He was hitting and cheating on her I don't do that to her.

I get what she meant when she said she trust me but not me and Mel together. I just, I feel like if I one hundred percent admit to it all then I'm admitting to hurting her and I said I wouldn't. I kept telling her we was fine and I keep fucking up. I don't want her give up on us. If she do I already know I'm going to react negatively towards her.

Jah told me I had to be mindful she'd say no and take things slower after Jamal and I feel like I'm getting impatient with her. I don't like that she don't tell me what's fully on her mind but if I'm being an asshole I wouldn't expect her to open up either.

Yes, I fucked up with Melody and I know I would of been ass if Ivy didn't text when she did. The sad part is that even though I played part in the back of my mind I knew that she did shit to hurt Ivy too. I know she's feels like it's a set up her texting and then next thing I'm at her dorm but it's not the case. It's just my stupidity.

I'm not about to sit here and lie and act like I don't want her like did before. I just want one real shot at us and I think we'll be straight. We was so close and then I fucked it up. I can't just sweet talk her into things being cool again no more.

I got about halfway to Ivy door and stopped debating on if I wanted to knock or not. I feel like if I go in it will either work in my favor or, won't. It could go sour and I fuck shit up worse and she really be done with me.

The shit— Ivy is like how they say you feel it when you in love that's how I feel. I've had dreams about me and her and I've never experienced that shit. I want to tell her but I don't want to seem weird to her. I know without her I'm going to shit. I'll just go back to parties, drugs, and alcohol and if she not there to help me after I've fucked myself up, what's the point.

I don't got a relationship with my moms and pops but I'm ready to introduce her to them. I think we're moving slow but I said I'd move at her pace so I don't need to rush her into shit now. Everytime we get close I do something. I got so use to being around her that being away I tried to force myself back to her.