Keep This Secret | The Slump God

⚠︎︎9.8

It's 3am am I'm woke up to my phone ringing. I don't even remember falling asleep. I missed the call and received a text right after.

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messages> Bunny 🐰 🦋🐛❤️
**6 missed calls from Bunny [?????]**

Hey, we're you coming
over

Stokeley im sorry

Good night, I'll see you
tomorrow maybe, please don't
be doing anything stupid

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I don't know how I missed the first text it was 30 minutes after all the shit happened. I debated on going over there or just calling. I looked seeing my roommate was here. Watch her start an argument with me and it fuck everything up.

I don't know who started they argument, but she did this shit when I was with Mel. On our double date trip thing. She spazzed out. So maybe Rah is right and she just play victim. Maybe that's why she don't be telling em shit and just come to me breaking down crying because she has to get enough shit to happen so she play the part right.

I know she not a baby because she use to argue back with me. The shit just don't make sense to me. She allowed herself to lash out on a pregnant girl. Whether it was an ex of mine or not. Then for her to tell me she'd try and didn't, don't make shit better.

I went up opening the door. Stoekley stood there looking drained and tired which just made me feel worse than I did. I probably woke him up.

"What Ivy" he says as he walked in slightly pushing past me.

"You're mad at me" I asked looking at him and closing the door.

"I know you didn't have me come over here for that"

"N-no I wanted to talk about it but it's fine now. I just wanted to apologize because I know—"

"Watch out so I can go" he says standing back up and coming over to the door, that I stood by since I hadn't moved yet.

"Stokeley are you serious"

"Am I serious, Ivy I don't want to hear it. Not only that but then you left with your ex and who knows how long you was with him. Watch out" he says.

"It wasn't even ten minutes, you went to her and not me" I say back.

"Nah, everything about was I saw was fucked yo from you. I don't feel like talking about if you don't got nothing else to say move so I can go back to my room" he says.

"You're going to leave me aren't you. I can't argue back but I have to speak up. Makes perfect sense" I say moving out his way.

"Ivy here you go starting shit" he groaned.

"No im not it's done. You don't want to talk about it. Go ahead and go" I say. He walked out after a moment.

I wanted to cry but I'm forcing myself not to. He wasn't there for the whole thing which is what I have to tell myself. I should of just said no, but I wanted to try for him. I chuckled to myself and laid back on my bed.

She looked me dead in my eyes and asked if I liked being beat from Jamal, then said only reason I left him was because I wanted to take Stokeley away from Melody. They weren't even together at the time.  Jamal was there the whole time which is probably why she said it. He was flirting with some girl in the hall. Everything had been okay up until then. She wanted to go get FaFa and we go back to the lounge and wait forever Stokeley. She just kept saying I stole Stokeley from her after that. And slick shit in between it all. I don't know when Stokeley got there but I was pissed off.

I don't remember what I said maybe what I said was too harsh. Maybe I'm just as bad as her in a way. I don't get how he can't tolerate it from me but can tolerate it from them. She told me her and FaFa were cracking jokes on me and all he was was I wasn't there. To me that's not really defending me. I wasn't there though so I won't believe what she says. She was telling me how Stokeley said he'll be the god dad and all this other shit while I just listened. I only spoke occasionally letting her talk as if we were close. She told me she was going to make him believe I cheated on him with his best friend, And that if she can she'll sleep with my brother. She said she won't be satisfied until I'm hurt how she is, and that I'm too happy right now.

Everytime I go off I'm the blame and I get cut off by him. I have a feeling even with us being together nothing will be any different. I have to think of the fact that they're friends and although he says other wise, she gets this pedestal. I don't feel like competition with her over who can have him. I know, or I think I know how he feels on the both of us.

Maybe I'm my own sabotager. Maybe all the problems with him and me is really me. I can't sincerely apologize because I'm only sorry for hurting him. She doesn't care about my feelings so I don't care about hers. I don't wish anything bad on her, but I don't there will ever be a relationship there. I'm probably the cause of every issue I got. I probably sent off the wrong message to his teacher and caused that. I'm the reason for Jamal all of it. Really thinking about it I'm the constant factor, it's stuff always happening to me so obviously I'm the problem.

Stokeley is one of the best things to happen to me. Through everything I value our relationship, I'll put his feelings over mine for most occasions. Maybe it's best if we do end it. Spare us the arguments that may happen in the future. Just everything, her coming back must of been a blessing in a curse. Maybe it's letting us both realize we shouldn't be together. I was scared it would be ruined and it's ruining itself so if we end it now it saves us the further damage. The only issue and going to be telling him because he don't want to talk. Not that a conversation has to be held, I can just say it and move along. I just don't feel right texting or saying that over the phone.

Alright now give me feedback? How you feeling? What's going to happen? Any suggestions or advice? I feel like this a bit weird to have Ivy all in her emotions but then again who cares.