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"I just want to know if you still want us or if you want to try with someone else"
"For what if I'm here now like I've been trying all week and you being difficult" he says.
"I cried and told you how I felt months ago yet here you are cool with both of your ex-girlfriends again. Here you are leaving her to come see me and then mad that I don't want to see you. One text and she now has you right back at her dorm all the time" I say getting mad.
"So I'm supposed to not talk to anyone that makes you feel some type of way"
"That's not what I'm saying"
"Yes it is you don't like them so I'm not supposed to either, or you just don't want me around females at all" he said his voice raising a bit. I don't want to argue and it turn bad or he look like he'll hit me. I know that's not him but I don't want to see his breaking point if he has one. I try to just drop our arguments because of that.
"Stokeley just never mind." I say and grab my bag going to my math course early. I heard when he walked out my room behind me because he slammed the door and took the stairs instead of the elevator. I'm sure he did it to avoid me or he's going upstairs and not down to his room. I get off and walk to my class.
"Hey" I hear some guy say behind me then come and tap me. I turned to see Ryan.
"Oh hey" I gave a smile.
"What's up with you" he asked.
"Just a rough week that's all."
"You and chocolate daddy still at it" he says referring to Stokeley.
"Ry— yeah"
"It's exclusive" he asked and he pulled me into the room and to a seat.
"No not at all. We're just testing it out" I say not knowing how to word our situation.
"If he don't take you I will, tell him that too. I might be gay but my dick game strong" he winked before our professor started talking.
The whole lecture I tried to focus but all that was on my mind was Stokeley. I feel like he's going to drift away from me and go back to Melody. I know I'm the problem he's waiting on me and yet months later I still don't know. I want to be with him but I'm scared and with school almost over I feel like I'm just a school fling for him.
I've told him that and he tells me he wouldn't do all that he does just to leave me the first second school is out. He even told me he wants me to stay with him and Jah all summer. I know that if Melody sent that one text in the group chat and now they're hanging out more, I feel like anyone can take his attention from me.
"Ivy you good. Looking a little stressed" Ryan tapped me getting me out my thoughts.
"Yeah just the problem getting to me" I lie and he nods. For two hours I tried to fight my thoughts and focus. I ended up be zoned out the entire two hour course but we have no updated assignments which helps relieve me.
"Class is dismissed do not miss your deadlines I don't care what excuse you give" our professor said as people started to get up and leave the room.
I took a deep breath getting up as well.
"Come on here girl before I leave you" Ryan said. He did have much femininity when he said which caught me off guard.
"Huh"
"Come on" he said the same way.
"Sir—"
"I know you not acting shocked like I talk like that 24/7" he says and I thought about it before realizing he's right. Stokeley didn't like him because he's gay but he doesn't dress or talk like it unless he's messing around.
"You have that one" I say as we walked out the room.
"You sure you good" he asked me.
"Yeah—" I stopped when a girl walked up to him.
"Hey Mr. Machado how are you" she says to Ryan he hates his last name.
"Leave" he said moving her out the way.
"What was that"
"We fucked like last year" he said.
"But don't you— you're"
"I swing both ways, like I said let your boyfriend know. I'll see you Ivy" he says hugging me before walking off to someone way on the other side. I just nodded and made my way back to my room.
I was on the elevator and got on snap seeing that Melody was on there. I added her when he first brought her up so I could see what she looked like. Back when he wasn't claiming her. She had me on her private story which is mainly her smoking. I ignore her and Miarah's stories most the time but today I figured I'd click through all my stories in there since I'm bored.
Her last video on her story was captioned the favorite ex. She recorded herself and then Stokeley is over there rolling up. She asked if she was his favorite ex and he said she's the most cooperative one before she smiled and cut it off. I closed the app out and sighed. It was yesterday well last night not today but still. u̾g̾h̾!̾
I went in my room sitting my bag down. I had no messages or anything I felt I needed to respond to so I just laid in the bed. My thoughts taking over, thinking the worst as usual. I forced myself to take a nap and stop thinking about it. He said he wants me so I shouldn't have anything to worry about. If I would of just been with him we wouldn't be here now and I wouldn't be scared he'll move on. That's not true because we could of been together and he still be over there telling her she's the favorite ex. We all know his favorite ex is Miarah though. What if he's dated someone else and she dms me asking me stuff. He said him and Miarah were together in highschool ,any one before her would have to be middle school girlfriends ,and they shouldn't matter. Right?
Maybe me and Stokeley argue too much and aren't fit for each other. I can't imagine him not around anymore regardless me being upset with him. What if he thinks the same and that's why he's talking to his ex. He wants to give up on me but doesn't want to just tell me.
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