Mourning Skies

Letters

scrap paper
messily scribbled words
Unsure what to even say
And yet you found a way to my heart
In a sheet of paper
Slipped between the vent of my
Ninth grade locker
The vents were like a narrow passage way
Twists and turns and loop-de-loops
All coming down the a feather light landing
In the very bottom of my stomach
As I read the words
"Will you be my girlfriend?"

I couldn't say no
But I wish I had.

The second letter you gave me
Held sweet words
The petal like kisses
Swept up in the smooth wind
To flutter away
And leave me breathless

The third note you said you loved me
And I can remember
You comparing me
To a long day at school
Coming home
I was home to you
But I couldn't shake this reminder
Of how much you hated home
How much you wished to run away
How many nights you spent
Jolted up from mind-crippling nightmares
Of his fucking face next to you

I noticed
You began messing up the "n"s
In the next letter
This letter had different entries
Like a child's diary
Logging how you felt about me
Each day
As your writing withered away
The once beautiful words
Fell through the thin ice
That was your grasp on sanity
Don't you dare say you loved me!
You can't lie to me like that!
You can't leave me like that!

Now I use the sheets of paper
To mop of the tears I shed for you
And if you once felt remorse
Don't bother telling me
Because I sit in my bedroom
Pressing each letter to my chest
As if I can absorb that sensation
Back under every layer of skin
Every nerve
Every muscle
Through the cage around my soul
To my heart
Where it beats no longer for you

If the ink from the pages
Could again replace the blood in my veins
I would empty myself
Of this blood
To pump each word through my body
To make me feel alive again