Mourning Skies

On the Roof at 10

You would think that I
As someone whose anxiety
Was at times triggered
By open spaces and exposure
That I would run to a small space
And try to close myself off
But now at a deep spot
Where space didn't even matter
I was exposed enough
Covered from head to toe
Through their eyes
I was still bare
Open to wear
My bones on the outside
As if I was the insect
I reflected in my eyes
Of them
But the suffocation
Blinded my fear of expose
I just wanted to release
So I ran directly to the roof
To see the open sky above me
And allow myself to breathe
Not only that
But being above all of the people
In the rooms beneath me
Finally gave me a sense
Of for once being above all of them
And therefore all the shit
They spewed at me
While I was supposed to be happy
As if being a floor above them
Put me higher than the damn pedestals
They put themselves on
For once I could look down
On all of those looking down on me
And for once
Their unacceptance
Would still be below me
And I could finally breathe
Breathe in the cool soft air
That was so suppressed in the heaviness
Of their gazes
And for once
The fear of them melts away
Even the fear of the thunder
Echoing in the distance
Gives me a sense of closure
The openness for the storm to brew
Above my own head
Gave me the sense
Of the manifestation of the exact storm
Inside of myself
Set free