Mourning Skies

Smoking Again

in a stumbling drunken mess

I made my way to the kitchen

To inhale you through the memories

Through the drag I took on our first date

And you said it wasn't healthy

But I didn't care

At least for a while.

I didn't pick up a single cigarette

All three years we spent together

For I couldn't see you

Without me by your side

Whether I be taken

By the smoke or the sadness

I craved so deeply

But not as much so

As I craved the feeling of our flesh

Pressed together on the cool sheets

The distant taste of you still

Lingering on my lips.

Ever since I became immune

To honey-brown eyes and a nice smile

I've craved the smoke

and darkness again

Instead of a kiss from your lips

A blade kissed my body instead

Where you left trails of bites

And imbedded your nails in my being

I covered with scars and burns

Just to erase you from my mind

Or at least numb the thought away.

So now I sit on my roof every night

Shivering with memories

Or maybe the weight I've lost

I'm not sure now

But I'm here with a cigarette

With your name written in red

And as I inhale your name in the smoldering embers

I realize this is the first cigarette I've had

In three years