Mourning Skies

Okay //Living

Excavating my mind was never simple
I felt it easier to leave those wounds to heal
And to let myself be comfortable
With any scars or outcomes
No matter how weathered my skin became
No matter how many tick marks
Lined the back of my skull
No matter how much blood leaked
From the wounds I could only cover up
Until they oozed and festered
And had to recover time and time again
I had to be okay
I had to be okay
But until now
Being okay wasn't being alive
And maybe that's how you felt
And I'm trying so hard to understand
But the wound you left
I didn't leave alone like the rest
I picked and gnawed at the scab
And in my attempts
It seems a chain reaction takes place
Because each wound is connected
One cannot be ripped back open
Without the others in tow
But I've realized in time
I've come to really hate you
Because you uprooted every memory
Reduced old scars to oozing gashes
But maybe that's my own fault
I've never been known to let go
Of the very things that hurt me
It hurts my hands to hold on to my noose
And it hurts even more to drag yours too
Letting go means forgetting, I used to think
But now I know
All things heal with time
But I also know
I'll never be the same
I'll continue to bear marks of the past
And that's okay
I'm still living