Mourning Skies

Muscle Memory

After sixteen years of life
I'm glad to say I have retained some lessons that have embedded themselves in my flesh
For six years I have played violin
A beautiful, tedious, and sophisticated instrument
Warm ups were sight reading
Warm ups were full scales all the way up the fingerboard
There was a way that I learned the vast majority of techniques and even full songs
This was through muscle memory.
After repeatedly playing a certain segment of notes, your fingers grew accustom to the changes in the song
It came to a point where sheet music was hardly needed
Only a reference if your fingers slipped up
And I've found that I've learned through all of my horrors in the same way
I have memorized the pitch in someone's voice when they are about to cry
My mind has had phrases burned into the various folds
Phrases that simmer with aggression and the need I overpower
My very flesh has recorded the touch of an abusive hand
The touch that turns from friendly to something more
And even something less
My ears have on repeat constantly echoing inside my head the words that people use to justify their shitty fucking actions
The hairs on the back of my neck have learned to stand up in arms
When the gaze is no longer admiration
But something to fear
My fingers have memorized the notes of life
And will continue to do so until I die
And through muscle memory
I have memorized what it means to survive