Middle Earth Mayhem

Gollum gets a job

Thranduil: (Curling his hair)

Gollum: Hello, precious!!

Thranduil: ARGH!!! GET OUT OF MY KINGDOM!!! (Stands up and curlers fall onto his lap) OWW!!! THIS ROBE WAS NEW!!! (Looks at burnt patch) UGH THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!! WHEN I CATCH YOU IM GONNA MAKR THOSE FEW PIECES OF HAIR YOU HAVE LEFT INTO EYEBROW WARMERS!!!!

Gollum: ARGH!!! WE DIDNT MEAN IT!!!! DONT HURT US!!!

Thranduil: Why are you here?!

Gollum: We wanted to tell it about our new job we has!!!

Thranduil: Firstly, 'it' has a name. ITS THRANDUIL!!!! Secondly, what job have you got?

Gollum: This is just up Thranduil's street! IM A HAIRDRESSER!!!!

Thranduil: Good for you! How's it going?

Gollum: Okay... apart from the fact we've had no customers...

Thranduil: That probably because you're so ugly... (Smiles with pity)

Gollum: WHAT?!

Thranduil: Oh, nothing.

Gollum: We heard Thranduil!

Thranduil: (Sarcastically) No way! That sindarincredible!!!!

Gollum: Thranduil's so mean!!! We hates it forever!!!

Thranduil: What did I tell you about 'it'?

Gollum: We don't cares!!!! It's not our mummy!!

Thranduil: Now, get out of my kingdom!!

Gollum: But we wantses to give it a haircut!!!

Thranduil: (Shakes head) Na-uh! You are never getting your hands on my precious!

Gollum: Please!!! We'll steal your treasure back from Thorin!!!!

Thranduil: Okay... Fine! (Sits down)

Gollum: Would you like shampoo and conditioner?

Thranduil: Yeah sure!

Gollum: (Starts shampooing Thranduil and his hands start to sting) ARGH!!! We are allergic to soap!!! ARGH! It burns us!!!!

Thranduil: Quick! Wash it off!!!

Gollum: (Washes it off) Phew!!! Okay! What style do you want?

Thranduil: Well, I was thinking of a little trim and some feathering around the front.

Gollum: Yep we can do that!!!

Thranduil: YAY!!!

Gollum: (Cutting Thranduil's hair) Fishes fishes fish-es!

Thranduil: Sing something different, Gollum! That's rather repetitive!!!

Gollum: Okay, precious!!'

Legolas: Pssst! Gollum! Over here!

Gollum: Excuse us one moment!

Thranduil: Okay.

Gollum: (Goes to Legolas) What does it want?

Legolas: Can you go fetch some green wine from the cellars?

Gollum: Green wine?! What for?!

Legolas: My Ada always requires some at this time. Now go!

Gollum: Okay, precious! Keep it's tights on!! (Walks away)

Legolas: (Sniggers) I can't believe he believed me! There's no green wine! He'll be down there looking forever!!

Thranduil: Gollum? Where are you?

Legolas: (Crawls) We're here, precious!!!

Thranduil: Gollum? Are you alright? Your voice has gone all girly!

Legolas: What?! Oh, I mean, we're okay precious!!!

Thranduil: Okay then...

(Later)

Legolas: Finished!!! (Runs away laughing)

Thranduil: (Looks in the mirror) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!???? MY HAIR IS BLACK AND MY EYEBROWS ARE WHITE!!!! I LOOK LIKE A SKUNK!!!!

Skunk: Well, that's rude!!

Gollum: (Comes back from the cellars) We can't find any green wi- WHAT DID IT DO TO ITS HAIR?!

Thranduil: YOU DID THIS!!!!

Gollum: NO WE DIDNTS!!! WE WAS DOWNSTAIRS IN THE CELLAR!!!

Thranduil: HOW DARE YOU GO DOWN THERE WITHOUT PERMISSION!??

Gollum: LEGOLAS SAID THAT WE NEEDED TO GETS IT GREEN WINE!!!!

Thranduil: GREEN WINE???!!! UGH!!! LEGOLAS!!! GET YOUR LITTLE EARS BACK HERE!!!!

Legolas: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Running really fast) NEVER!!! (Trips over a beaver) NOOOOOOOO!!!

Lindir: (Strokes beaver) Good work, my minion! (Looks at Legolas) What are you running from?!

Legolas: THAT!!! (Sees Thranduil charging toward them on his elk) RUN AWAY!!!!

Thranduil: IM GONNA DYE YOUR HAIR RED WITH PINK HIGHLIGHTS!!!!

Legolas: (Cringes) ARGH!!! BUT THOSE COLOURS DONT EVEN GO!!!

Thranduil: PRECISELY!!!

Lindir: LOL!!!