Middle Earth Mayhem

The Dare Contest

(Thorin, Thranduil and Bard are having a meeting)

Thorin: Argh! This is SOOOOO boring!!! Why can't we settle who gets Esgaroth in a fun way?

Bard: Thorin, this is important!

Thranduil: What about a dare contest? Whoever wins will get Esgaroth!

Thorin: AGREED! (Slams fist on table)

Bard: Oh, alright!

Thranduil: Ok! Who wants to go first?

Thorin: Bard, I dare you to... Eat one of the fish from the barrel I was sitting in RAW!!!

Bard: Easy peasy! (Runs to Thorin's barrel and gets out a fish) Ok... This will be... interesting. (Takes a bite) Yuck! Do I have to eat the whole thing?

Thorin: Yup! Every piece!

Thranduil: (Laughing) This is so FABULOUS!!!!

(A few minutes later)

Bard: (Opens his mouth to show that he's eaten the fish) Done!

Thorin: Ugh! I can't believe he actually ate it!

Thranduil: I know right!

Bard: (Sits back down) That was a piece of - (Throws up over Thranduil)

Thranduil: (Looks down at his robes) What have you done, you baboon! This is woven from pure starlight! (Starts to cry) My fabulousness!

Bard: (Clutches his stomach) I'm SOOOO sorry, my friend!

Thranduil: Grrrrrrr...

Bard: Right, my turn to dare you! Thranduil, I dare you to... hmm...

Thorin: ...

Thranduil: (Sobs) ...

Bard: I dare you to... confess your love for Tauriel in front of Kili and Legolas!

Thorin: Hahahaha!

Thranduil: I would if my robes were clean!

Bard: Take them off then!!

Thranduil: NO!

Bard: Go then!

(In Mirkwood)

Thranduil: Tauriel?

Tauriel: What happened to you? You look like you've been sneezed on by a troll!

Thranduil: It was Bard. Anyway, back to the point! Tauriel, I -

Legolas: Hey Tauriel! Dad. (Gives Thranduil a death stare)

Kili: Hey guys! What ya doin'?

Thranduil: Tauriel, I love you!

Tauriel: ...

Kili: ...

Legolas: ...

Thranduil: ... Well?

Tauriel: ... Does this mean... I get to be queen?

Thranduil: If you want...

Legolas: ARGH!!! DAD I HATE YOU!!! (Snaps his bow in half and runs away wailing)

Kili: But Tauriel! I thought!

Tauriel: Well you thought wrong!

Kili: (Runs away on Thranduil's elk)

Thranduil: Just kidding! I don't really love you! (Runs back to Thorin and Bard)

Bard: Well, how did they take it? (Sees Legolas run past crying and Kili chasing Tauriel with an axe)

Thranduil: Rather well!

Thorin: Ok, my turn!

Thranduil: Thorin, I dare you to steal Pippin's mushrooms!

Thorin: Like taking candy from a baby!

(At Farmer Maggot's farm)

Pippin: (Eating a bag of mushrooms sitting against a fence) Hello Thorin! How are you?

Thorin: I'm ok, thanks! Actually, I'm a little peckish!

Pippin: Oh! Would you care for a mushroom? (Holds out the bag)

Thorin: (Snatches it from him and runs away) Mwahahahhaha!!

Pippin: (Chasing him) ARGH!!! COME BACK HERE WITH MY MUSHROOMS!!!!

Thorin: NEVER!!!

Pippin: Ugh! I've got a whole field of them anyway! (Slows down)

(Back with Thranduil and Bard)

Thorin: (Panting) I think I lost him!

Bard: (Rolling on the floor with laughter)

Thranduil: Well! I see you've recovered from that fish!

Thorin: (Chucks Thranduil the bag) Here!

Thranduil: (Looks inside) Mushrooms!

Bard: Who wins then?

Thorin: Bard never kept the fish in his stomach so I would say he's out and Thranduil and Tauriel's relationship didn't last long so... I would say I'm the winner!!!!

Bard: (Growls and punches his leg)

Thranduil: ARGH!!!! I GOT THROWN UP ON FOR NO REASON!!!

Thorin: Yes! Another town to add to my collection! Mwahahahaaaaaa!!!