(Bard and Legolas are arguing)
Legolas: I could have killed Smaug any day!
Bard: Too bad! I killed him!!!
Smaug: Still alive!!!!
Bard: Ugh!! Go away!!!!
Smaug: (Raises his chin) I am offended!
Legolas: I am SOOO totally a better archer! Plus, I can skateboard!
Bard: So what!?
Legolas: I can multitask!!
Bard: (Mutters) Women can multitask!
Legolas: YOU CALLING ME A WOMAN, HUH?!
Bard: Maybe...
Legolas: YOU WANT SOME??!!! YOU WANT SOME???!!! WELL, I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO YA!!!!
Bard: It's so funny when you get angry!!!
Legolas: I'm gonna shoot you!!!
Bard: Yeah? How!
Legolas: What do you mean 'how'? With an arrow, you idiot!!!
Bard: I know but how are you going to shoot me with an arrow!!
Legolas: With my bow!!!
Bard: (Fake shocked) You can do that?!
Legolas: Yeah, duh!
Bard: Oh! I never new that!
Legolas: YOU DISSIN ME?!
Bard: YOU DISSIN ME?!
Smaug: Girls, girls! Calm down!!!
Bard: NOOOO!!!
Smaug: Woah! I know! Whoever can shoot me with this black arrow (Holds up black arrow) is the best archer!!!!
Legolas: You're on, old man!!
Bard: What?! You're like, two-thousand years old!!!
Legolas: THATS YOUNG FOR AN ELF!!!!
Bard: I thought you would have been king by now...
Legolas: Shut up.
Smaug: YOOOO HOOOOO! Over here!!!
Bard: Give me that! (Snatches arrow from Legolas and fires it. It lands on the peak of Erebor)
Legolas: Ha! Missed! My turn!
Bard: Go and get it then!
Legolas: Get what?!
Bard: THE ARROW!!!!!
Legolas: Ok...
(A few minutes later)
Legolas: (Panting) Got it! Okay! (Aims at Smaug then turns the other way and fires it into Mordor) Ha! Go and get it!!
Bard: Ugh! You did that on purpose!!
Legolas: You think?!
(A year later)
Bard: Got it!
Legolas: (Spills his tea) What?! I thought you were dead!!
Bard: Nope! Okay! (Aims at Smaug and shoots and it kills Smaug)
Smaug: Noooooo!! I sacrificed myself to break up an argument!!! (Dies)
Bard: Yeah! I win!!!!
Legolas: GIVE ME THAT!!! (Snatches Bard's bow and snaps it in half) DIE!!!
Bard: Woah! At least that wasn't my bow...
Legolas: Who's was it then?
Bard: (Whispers) Yours...
Legolas: What?!
Bard: Yours...
Legolas: ...
Bard: ...
Legolas: ...
Bard: (Smirks) ...
Legolas: ...
Bard: ...
Legolas: I left my hair straighteners on... (Goes home to attend to personal matters aka turning off his straighteners)
Bard: Okay! I'm awesome!
Smaug: Yes, yes you are.
Bard: (Facepalms) You never die, do you?
Smaug: Nope.
Bard: You want a cup of tea?
Smaug: That would be nice! Makes a change from wine!
Bard: Cool.
YOU ARE READING
Middle Earth Mayhem
FanfictionFunny short stories about Middle Earth Characters! Enjoy!