Middle Earth Mayhem

Bilbo's welcome home

(In Hobbiton)

Bilbo: (Dragging himself up the hill) Almost... Home... (Gets to Bag End)

Old Gaffer: (Tending Bilbo's garden) Hello Mr Baggins! Nice holiday?

Bilbo: HOLIDAY? YOU THINK I'VE BEEN ON HOLIDAY? I HAVE BEEN ANNOYING A DRAGON, FIGHTING ORCS AND STUPID ELVES!!!

Old Gaffer: Okay then... (Goes back to gardening)

Bilbo: (Opens his front door and steps in and takes his shoes off)

(Thorin, Kili, Fili, Balin, Dwalin, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Elrond, Gandalf, Galadriel, Saruman, Lindir, Thranduil, Legolas, Tauriel, Bard, Tilda, Sigrid, Bain, the Laketown Master, Alfrid, Smaug, Azog, Sauron, Bolg and Loki jump out)

Everyone: SURPRISE!!!!!

Bilbo: Wha... What are you doing here? Thorin, Fili, Kili! You're supposed to be dead! And you! (Points at Loki) I don't even know what you're doing here!

Loki: Fine then. (Flys away, crying)

Smaug: We wanted to surprise you! Plus, you have a big larder!

Azog: Where is the larder anyway?

Bilbo: It's over there my friend. (Points) Wait! I didn't give you permission! (Grabs onto Azog's ankle)

Azog: (Opens larder, dragging Bilbo with him) FOOOOOOOD!!!

Pippin and Merry: (Jump down the chimney) Did someone say food?

Azog: (Stuffing his face with food) Yeah! You want some?

Pippin: Ooooo yea!

Pippin and Merry: (Run over to Azog who hands them a leg of ham) Yummy...

Bilbo: Ugh!

Thorin: (Majestically walks over to Thranduil) Hello, friend!

Thranduil: Hello! Smell my hair!

Thorin: Okay... (Sniffs his hair) Vanilla!!! Is that the shampoo I bought you?

Thranduil: Thanks! It makes me radiate ice creams! (Waltzes away)

Thorin: Wha...

Legolas: Hey, smell my hair!

Thorin: (Sniffs his hair) Is that... perfume?

Legolas: Isn't it lovely?

Thorin: Um...

Legolas: Wha... (Runs away crying his eyes out)

Tauriel: (Hugs Legolas) Awww! Poor baby boo! Was the little dwarf being mean?

Legolas: (Nods and hugs her back)

Tauriel: Awww...

Thorin: Ugh!

Bilbo: (Taps on Smaug's foot) I thought you died!

Smaug: Ya, well, I pretended to so they wouldn't actually kill me!

Bard: What the?! You're alive?! (Shoots Smaug with a black arrow)

Smaug: Nooooooo... (Slow motion falls into the ground)

(Everyone stares)

Lindir: Lol!

Elrond: Lindir, stop lolling! You are an elf, not a teenager!

Lindir: (Is ashamed) Sorry...

Elrond: It's ok, young one.

Loki: Ha! He called you "young one"! Hahahahaha!!!!

Bilbo: Get out of here, Asgardian! (Chases him across the Shire with a broom)

Thor: (Flys down) Stop, hobbit! I have come to take my baby brother home!

Loki: Ugh! You're so embarrassing! Why do you have to ruin everything?

Thor: Our father is worried!

Loki: I don't care!

(Both fly away)

Bilbo: Well that was disappointing!