Reason to Stay Alive

47. Don't Leave....

They reached at Avengers base and the whole time Natasha kept grabbing Steve's hand. The medics and Dr. Cho brought him to the OT on a stretcher while Natasha followed them silently but tears stained from her eyes continuesly. At the door of the OT Dr. Cho stopped her but she glared at her ," I'm not leaving him alone!!."

She tried to console her ," Miss. Romanoff , try to understand. It's looking very sever . We need to ..."

She cut her off," Do whatever you want, I'm not going anywhere. "

Clint grabbed her shoulder," If you want to stay with him , then you have to let the doctors to do their job. Let him be fine then do whatever you want okay?" She wanted to protest, but he stopped her ," If you want to see him through out the surgery , come to the side room as you can see it through the glass partition. Now let them go , you're wasting time. " She reluctantly nodded and let Steve's hand go out of her grasp.

She was pacing back and forth at the side room anxiously, as time passed like over an hour she couldn't stand there anymore and walked out of the room. She sat down on a chair thinking about him. His last words. He told her he loved her but didn't get the chance to hear it back. Till his last words he cared for her and what she did in return?, hurt, pain , regret and many worse.

She wiped her tears as Wanda sat by her side and leaned her head against Natasha's. In this short period of time, Steve became like a brother to her. He cared for her like his little sister, just like Pietro . She was crying too. Wanda side hugged her tightly," He'll be okay right?"

She shighed," I hope so. " She patted her shoulder and walked inside the room beside the OT. She saw as doctors and nurses were rushing around inside the OT. She knew it wasn't looking good.

She decided to finish what she started.
" You remember what has happened two years ago? , at Sam's house?. I asked you if you trust me or not. And you had answered me without any hesitation, You do. You always did. That moment I realised what is your importance to me. Literally there was no one who did trust me without knowing my true identity, my true face. The monstrous face of mine. Even Clint had asked me to prove my loyalty. But you trusted ME. You trusted the real Natasha you had asked me earlier. And my real ME instantly trusted you and that other one of ME trusted you too. "

She shook her head wiping her tears," Between sometimes, I got scared of the thought that you would fall in Love with me. And I decided to create a barrier between us , so that you couldn't cross it . But the fact was , I wanted to break that barrier myself. You said you loved me right?, without knowing me ?, without thinking about it's consequences?, without knowing the cruel truth buried inside me ?, that I can't...I can't give you the happiness you're expecting from me?"

She became silence for some moments, then she started again wiping her tears," I know you'll hate me after knowing that truth. I can't give what you deserve. I can't give you...kids. I can't. But still, without caring about the consequences, without thinking about tomorrow, without thinking about future, I wanna live in present. I wanna go with heart. Which I didn't even know if it exists in me or not. But right now, that strange thing , my heart is screaming for you , to tell you that ...I Love You. I know it always told me that , love is for children, but I decided to feel it. With you. I Love You, Steve. "

She smiled through her tears ," I love you with everything I have. I love you.  I love you so damn much. I Love You too, Steven Grant Rogers. I LoveYou. "
And walked out of the room to her apartment.

After sometimes, Natasha didn't have any idea how many hours had passed. She sat in her apartment looking at the ceiling until she heared a knock on her door. She opened it to find a troubled looking Tony ," I thought...you wanna know about it. "